728
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by required@lemmy.world to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don't know what I've been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they're supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don't like the way the things are and I can't do anything but envy those people.
Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually "pace up" with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn't expect so many replies! Thanks, I'll look into them all

(page 5) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] Clbull@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I get that all the time.

Graduated with a History degree ten years ago, spent 18 months afterwards unemployed because my degree closed many more doors than it opened, spent another 3 years working in dead-end customer service roles then worked my way up into a finance career. Last week I got my 'big break' where I managed to avoid redundancy and secure a financial reporting role that's relevant to my ACCA studies. This is one of those rare times where the stars aligned.

My love life (or lack thereof) is my biggest grievance with life. People my age are married/cohabiting and have children of their own, meanwhile I am turning 32 in the next two months and still haven't even lost my virginity because from my experience, women have often been very frigid and judgmental.

[-] ICastFist@programming.dev 2 points 1 year ago

TLDR - focus more on what you have control over

I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people

Same.

How did you deal with this?

One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you. Still on that page, another thing that kind of helps me deal with it is knowing that a good portion of those "30 under 30" from Forbes might be grifts or scams, like Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman Fraud and Charlie Javice.

Another thing that helps me cope is knowing that this whole pressure for overachieving is cultural poison. It's the same shit those NLP quantic coaches peddle, a way to blame YOU for not having an amazing life, full of riches and recognition, because YOU didn't try hard enough. An easy, culturally acceptable way to look down on people with deadend jobs or unemployed.

I don’t like the way the things are

Me neither and, like you, I don't have the means to change shit. Apes alone weak. But, like the TLDR, you have to focus more on what you CAN do, even if small and irrelevant. That's still on you and that's your part.

The funny thing is that the older I get, the more I understand why huge communities can make everyone feel so lonely. You live somewhere close to, say, 20 families, but barely know 2, despite being physically close to where they sleep. How weird is that? All those closed doors and passing sights create a huge disconnect with people that you should care about, because they're so close to where you live that their lives can directly affect yours.

[-] required@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you

I feel like I won't be able to improve unless I see people better than me

[-] tallwookie@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

seeing them irl or seeing their insta feed? that social media trash is curated.

I personally haven't ever been that concerned with what others are/aren't accomplishing. ymmv

[-] required@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I casually asked someone from a selective high school what their best students look like

[-] Admetus@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 year ago

Huge thread, wow.

I know that by thirty years old you know something of what you are aiming at so bear in mind that at that point if you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing you'll feel it. Nothing wrong with that.

[-] ChatGPT@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Only compare yourself to yourself if you’re doing better than you were a month ago, year or even decade you’re going the right way. Everyone has skeletons in their closet to you rarely get to see medical issues, spouse cheating, debt up to their eyeballs all this can be hidden for a long time.

[-] rikudou@lemmings.world 1 points 1 year ago

Sounds like you might have depression, maybe try looking into that. Good luck with everything!

[-] required@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Got my third diagnosis 😭
Ok comparison is bad but what in this thread even makes you think I might be depressed? I'm just harsh with my past and I believe I'm rightful to do so, and overwhelmed a bit about my life overall. Like, I'm still high-functioning, I'm motivated enough to carry out challenging stuff daily
I used to be depressed though, on a "high" level. I think I got over it by now

[-] rikudou@lemmings.world 1 points 1 year ago

It's the whole vibe of your response - the whole feeling of helplessness is often associated with depression, being overwhelmed by life is also a very frequent symptom of depression.

Being high-functioning and motivated to carry out with life doesn't mean you're not depressed.

I'm not saying you are depressed, that can't be diagnosed over few simple comments, I'm just saying you sound like you might be depressed and it might be good to go check with a professional if that's the case.

[-] ArugulaZ@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Kind of. I've amassed a fair amount of knowledge over the span of this life I'm over halfway through, but very little in the way of accomplishments. (Not counting the achievements in video games.)

[-] SighBapanada@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 year ago

Yea but I go easier on myself these days as I see it now as part of a larger systemic problem. Living in suburbs, having social anxiety, struggling with toxic family issues, etc. It all played a part in my escapism into video games and unproductive time sinks. I forgive myself for the past and try to do better today. It's about making the most of the opportunities that are given to you, cheesy as it sounds.

[-] june@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I grew up evangelical, and I definitely wasted my young years not living life because of it.

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›
this post was submitted on 09 Jul 2023
728 points (96.3% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35870 readers
1607 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS