You could try using a kitchen scale, but just one limb at a time, and one ass cheek at a time
this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2025
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The Dahmer Method
Dewey in Malcolm in the Middle putting his head on the scale, lifting his head up to see the number, and saying "Zero!"
Finally a reasonable solution!
Or set up a seesaw and use the kitchen scale to weigh yourself in one go. With a bit of clever physics, you can prevent the scale from maxing out, and with a little bit of mathematics, you can convert the reading to your actual weight.
Weigh your house then step outside and weigh it again. Calculate the difference.
In other words, this image is not to scale
I find the perspective of this photo really strange, like you’re levitating and standing on a wall in a 1970s house with an air conditioner on the ceiling.
Oh man, it took so long for that to snap in. I accidentally covered the bottom with my thumb and then the illusion appeared. Dude.
It totally reminds me of that crappy '70s wallboard. My brown sink cabinet on the right looks like a cabinet mounted flush to the ceiling. And the bottom of my bathroom door looks like a vertical door.
My first reaction was what the hell is this guy talking about, then I kept staring, then bam.
Gee, thanks - I can't unsee that now
Use a banana.
If this is a cry for help please don't respond.
Clearly you don't weigh enough to fall through the floor. Congrats!
I do. You can borrow it if you need.
That's very generous my friend, but right now there are whispers of fulcrums.
So much room for activities!
Then how do you find out how much your last poo weighed?
compare it to a glass of milk
You don’t look a byte above 5MB
Unless my wife got rid of them, I think we have ... 4? If we still have extra, you're welcome to a couple!
[We had one. My wife's mom died and her scale looked more sophisticated, so we took it to verify it works and compare it to ours. It ended up in a box in the basement. Before we had a chance to go through those boxes, my brother died. For some reason, he had two scales and we brought them home to compare with the other two. But I haven't done it yet (this was miss my wife's project) and I some know if she has either. But if we have spares, you'd be welcome to them!]
I’ll support a fellow dull man and send you one.
Use a thermometer instead.