The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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JD Vance asks National Guard member if he can touch gun (theonion.com)

submitted 3 weeks ago by MHLoppy@fedia.io to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works

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Approaching cautiously after waiting for an opportune moment to pose his question, Vice President JD Vance reportedly asked a National Guardsman patrolling the nation’s capital Monday if he could touch the man’s service rifle. “Sorry to bother you, sir—is that thing real?” Vance said to a newly armed member of the Ohio National Guard on a D.C. street corner, adding that he was “a little scared,” but if it wasn’t any trouble, he would also love to feel the weight of the private’s M4 rifle in his hands for a couple seconds. [...]

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[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

I'm pretty sure the gun did not contain the Epstein files.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Is that fucking keymod?! What the hell is the Nat Guard doing?! Get M-lok ffs, I'd rather have a goddamn quadrail!

Edit: OH, clicked it. "The onion." But still the onion can't know that much about ARs to successfully edit such a beautiful troll pic, could they? Wherefrom come pic?

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 2 points 3 weeks ago

Might be AI or an object that was cut and pasted from another picture. And I would sooner rock an og 20 inch 1/12 twist.

[–] AlDente@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Naw, dickmod rules!

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

No.

[–] AlDente@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 weeks ago

I'm still a little salty that everyone glossed over that footnote in the Crane comparison study that admitted M-lok repeatability was worse than keymod when "improperly installed" (18.4 average moa vs 4.9 for keymod). Magpul had published an installation tip sheet that suggested biasing your attachment to the same corner of the loose slot to improve repeatability. Yet no similar special handling was given to the keymod attachments.

Since they had specific pre-biased numbers to present, that section read as something in which the initial results did match their expectations, so they re-did the Magpul measurements. Mechanically, a countersunk feature should result in a more repeatable position, as the fastener will self-center. With the measured 18.4 average moa slop in the mlok channel, it should be expected for an attachment to drift from the biased corner during stress testing. However, repeatability wasn't evaluated in a dynamic environment.

[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works -4 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

I don't get it. Vance was in the Marines and while he wasn't in combat, he presumably got basic training on firearms. I know this is a parody but what is it trying to parody?

[–] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 3 weeks ago

Maybe 'gun' is a euphemism or code for couchfuckers.

[–] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

That he's a child. Little kids like to hold and touch things. Show and Tell was important for kids in my school growing up.

[–] formergijoe@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

It is true that JD Vance is a former Marine and most likely had firearms training. He is also JD Vance and cannot interact with any human being without being really fucking awkward.

[–] Widdershins@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

The gun is a metaphor for a penis and he wants to fire bullets into the couch

[–] julietOscarEcho@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 weeks ago

I guess it's imagining scenarios where he could be his creepy sycophantic self. Yeah it doesn't really hit for me either.

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 weeks ago

Is that where he learned how to do the cute face painting?