Relationship Advice

The best thing you can do for him right now is to leave him. If you stay with him, then he will eventually treat you like shit and if he ever gets out of this cesspool he has cornered himself into, then how he is going to treat you in the near future will just be one more regret for him.

Holy shit that's bad

If you need a RED FLAG here 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Like others said, lots of red flags.

Also no reason to quit the 9-5 to get into streaming. You do that shit after work until you actually have a following.

Oh honey get the fuck out now, that's not a man, that's a time bomb.

He doesn't see you as a sapient person, he sees you as a fickle object he must appease just enough so he can get what he wants from you. Because of that, there isn't anything you can say that will help him today.

The break up won't be pretty, but you'll be so much happier with someone else in the long term.

Something I don't see others commenting on is the agreement not to question each other's viewing choices.

To me, the fact that this had to be discussed, and there is an insistence there are zero restrictions/conversations allowed, tells me they always planned to watch unsavoury things they knew you wouldn't agree with, and wanted to have grounds to shut down future conversation about it.

The content he's consuming is worrying, but that subjective so I'll set that aside for now.

Recently, he’s planning to ditch his 9-5 to get into streaming.

If you are a couple in a committed long term relationship, these kind of decisions need to be decided and agreed on together, not unilaterally.

But when I question how he is going to do his fair share of responsibilities if he gets nothing from streaming, he suggests me being the breadwinner until he makes it big.

Again, you would have to consent to this. He can't just decide for you. Any change in career/income path like this even for a reasonable new direction should have a solid plan. That plan should be enumerated with clear milestone targets and dates and not "until he makes it big".

This is the same man who said men paying for women’s education is a dumb move because she would end up leaving him in the end.

All of us choose our mates based upon our own personal criteria. Personally were I a woman, this misogynistic statement right here would have been enough to disqualify him from being anyone I would want to be in a relationship with.

Run the fuck away. Girl, he's already hurting you and he's gonna hurt you far worse if you don't leave now. Run as far away as you can.

Red flags galore. Make sure you have an escape plan

Massive red flags all around. At this point it sounds like he's fully "in the hole", so to speak.

You could try to address the issue, but to be honest I don't see it doing anything productive. He sounds pretty toxic and you can't force people to become better... They have to want it themselves.

If you do try to address the issue with him, the important thing is to not allow yourself to get bogged down with misogynistic, manipulative bullshit. If he is dismissive of your concerns and won't engage in a constructive conversation with you, then there's not a lot you can do and you should move on.

The vast majority of people who try to get into streaming don’t make it. A lot of it is pure luck even if you’re doing all the right things.

I’ve seen many great streamers fail because they didn’t attract large enough numbers to be sustainable even though they were doing all the right stuff.

Anyone serious about being a successful streamer will keep their day job until the point where streaming is self sustainable, which can literally take years of grinding. This guy doesn’t know shit about streaming or how to get there. How he’s going about it is a recipe for failure. And then he expects to use you to keep himself from becoming homeless if it doesn’t work out, which it most likely won’t.

Run.

This is the same man who said men paying for women's education is a dumb move because she would end up leaving him in the end.

This sentence alone is reason to seriously question the relationship. He’s saying that keeping women dumb is the only way to keep them reliant on men. Think about it: are there any admirable people/organizations who think this way?

If he has self-esteem issues, that’s unfortunate, but it’s not your job to fix them. Please don’t burn yourself out trying. It won’t work, because changing yourself takes hard work, and why should he do something hard when he’s already getting what he wants from you?

I feel like he is just using me for sex and a future financial support.

Trust your feelings. Ditch the manchild and find someone deserving. You are worth it.

The manosphere stuff is a red flag.

The plan to quit his day job without concrete plans to support himself is a red flag.

The casual misogyny is a red flag.

Is there anything I can even do to tell him

Yes, you can tell him. Based on what you've written here, I wouldn't have high hopes that he'll listen. In fact, I would brace for retaliation and gaslighting. Getting outside opinions will help keep you from being manipulated.

When you get into a relationship with someone, you're actually getting into a relationship with three people: the person you think they are, the person they actually are, and the person they will become. It sucks, but if you find that the latter two don't align with the first one, you need to prepare to move on.

Based on the fact that he's repeating JP and wants to make it in streaming, there is a huge chance he will get picked up by some right wing media group.

TBH tho, this guy is a parade field of red flags. The idea of quitting your job to take a shot at being famous is such a bad idea it's a sitcome/romcom trope. That's like seeing Jobs, Gates, etc being successful and thinking you should drop out of college because they did. Like more logic needs to go into that decision than just "it worked for them so I should do it".

I’m not going to tell you what to do. I will point out that a partnership is just that, partnering on each aspect of the intersection of your lives. It means each partner contributes their share to the domestic responsibilities. When that mutual contribution ceases, the relationship ceases to be a partnership.

As always, protect your financials. Maintain your own bank account and avoid free loaders on loan/credit paperwork. Maintain your own passwords.

If someone wants to throw their personality at social media and see if it produces incomes, sure, why not? So long as they remain functional adults and don’t quit their day jobs until after success is proven. I think hobby sharing is where this will be the most practical. Slap a camera on your head as you do what you already do, like drawing.

Asmon is an odd one. JP reels them in by mixing some sensical advice in with his derangement. But what the entire manosphere does is beat at men’s psyche constantly telling them to “be a man” by working only for themselves.

Dude here: this one is a bad egg. Ditch him for a better one.

Run. Run fast. Even leaving the blatant misogyny aside.

You don't have a "man." You have a manbaby. He wants mommy to support him while he chases an unrealistic fantasy in a ridiculous way. You'll also be expected to clean, cook, and fuck while you work full time and he makes zero contributions.

Let him try streaming in the evenings. If he makes 1/2 a McDonalds fry cook's salary within the first year /then/ let him quit his real job.

I normally feel like the advice to leave the relationship is often overprescribed by internet drama lovers.

Not in this case. Get out of this relationship. ASAP.

In the future do have discretion over the type of media your partner consumes because it can change who they are.

Yeah, that's a living problem ngl. As everyone has said, prepare for his failure and behavior getting worse. He's... not doing so great considering the manosphere shit.

I think you need to have a serious talk about misogyny, the manosphere, and his business plan. If he's going to quit his job and use you as a bank for this then i think he should do research and propose his business plan to you. Id make sure the business plan covers how how long until he can expect to make money and how much that could be (with sources).

It's one thing to be a supportive partner, it's another thing to bankroll someone who has in the past eluded to that they wouldn't do the same (education).

I think there's enough here to warrant leaving him outright. At the very least if the serious talk is unsatisfactory then leave him.

I use to follow Destiny (game) streamers and content creators. Every single one of them kept their day job until they were making enough money from streaming and Youtube to allow them to quit.

You are getting lots of advice to dump him right away which i can see with lots of red flags here. The constant J Peterson and misogyn are both large red flags that needs to be addressed. Presumably you live together since you talk about shared finances. If you went on one date with this guy I would say run but since you have been together for longer you might want to stay a little longer. This depends on if this behavior seems out of character for him based on your history together.

I would suggest you talk with him about you concerns about quitting his job maybe with a couples therapist. He seems like he is miserable and doing anything to change that up but quitting a job to do streaming full time is not a great idea. Talk about how you want to find something that brings him joy in his career and will support him as he finds a realistic way to do so. This may be keeping his current job while start streaming on the regular or find a new job or new hobby / side hustle.

I do think he might need therapy to talk about these feelings with someone else. The Manosphere attracts unhappy men with no / little support. He might need more from a therapist ( maybe a male one) to talk this through. These seem like signs of a desperate for a change man.

Is he crazy attractive? Is he incredibly entertaining? If he isn’t both of those things he will have trouble making it big streaming.

He doesn't sound like a partner, sounds like a child who wants no responsibilities.

He's clearly fallen down the alt-right pipeline, its not your responsibility to pull him out.

Save yourself and find someone who wants to be a real partner.

A pessimistic scenario:

The stereotype suggests he'll mooch off you until he makes it big, which will never happen.

Desperate for fame, he'll spiral downwards parroting soundbites from J Peterson and the like, perhaps amassing a small following in the process, which will feed his ego and have him start believing he's on the right track.

He'll start treating you worse, complain you're not home often enough to cater to his needs and start putting your achievements down.

If things don't go his way, then the system, the woke or whatever's popular to hate on now will be to blame and he'll become a true believer of whatever shit he's spouting.

Streaming or online life changes your perception of reality. It places you in a box interacting with other boxes, which in a way is comfortable and safe. The outside world on the other hand becomes increasingly distant and dangerous.

The separation makes it easy to fall into divergent strings of thought because there's no pushback to counter them. J Peterson speeches and the like are a one-way stream of persuasion. They hold the goal of enticing. And without something to interact in a way which says "that's bullshit and here's why", they eventually start making sense - as there's nothing else to say otherwise.

Online life is an illusion that has to be grounded in reality. And if your partner chooses it over you, then I'd recommend you consider choosing yourself as a fallback.

It’s sucks to say it, but ~~men~~ boys like that that are not worth trying to save anymore. He’s feeding off of the filth coming from those names you mentioned because it nourishes who he really is inside, who he is becoming.

He surely had the capacity to be good, and maybe until recently he showed signs of leaning that way and was struggling, but he’s a lost cause now. You could argue that he’s a casualty of the systems around him, or society failed to shape him into a healthy person, or both are true. Alternatively he could be the way he is because that’s who he is and was always meant to become this, but you have to accept that he is (already or becoming) a part of the cancer that is a direct threat our species.

Ultimately you need to ask yourself if it’s your obligation, your duty, to fight this cancer, or if you should simply cut it out of your life and discard it. Our individual capacity to help others is finite, and should be treated as a precious resource to be used in the most effective way. People like him will never truly learn what empathy is or what it means to put the well-being of others before themselves, so it’s best to ostracize them out of existence. He is infected. Although he still stands in front of you and lives, the person he once was (or you thought he was) is dead. Sorry for your loss; our loss.

Once your partner does what they want at your expense they have decided they are more important than the relationship. Effectively they have already broken the relationship agreement, leaving you to pick up the pieces.

The modern world is harsh and cold, a lot of people turn to alternative income streams in the hopes that they'll escape the pain of normal work. However based on his rhetoric he would likely not support you through the same goals, you supporting him when he wouldn't support you doesn't make you a good person, just a victim.

Why bother? Crazy how many people want to bend over backwards for some dipshit trying to maintain white supremacy. Fucking bounce.

GTFO

He is free to make his choices, just as you are too. And every choices has consequences.

As a couple, I think that it is important to be honest and transparent about your consumption habits, to keep each other in check. It is so easy to fall into many online traps. I rely on my partner for this and they do too.