this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2025
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It seems like the only logical option. If someone paid me to come up with a solution to having poopy butt I couldn't come up with a better one than a hose or a bidet. You know what I wouldn't do? I WOULDN'T INVENT PAPER YOU COULD RUB ON YOUR BUTT.

Like every person that has tried a bidet on the internet describes their experience as being reborn. Anyone that tries it instantly becomes a shill for big bidet. I have not seen a single negative review for a bidet aside from maybe water shooting up your back which is more of a skill issue with aiming.

There is some debate to be had between using a bidet versus using a hose. With bidet there's no hand contact but you can't control where the water goes. Im personally more in favor of hose since you still gotta flush and handle the bathroom door so there's gonna be contact either way, but using water is CLEARLY superior to toilet paper.

Water is cheaper and guess what? IT USES LESS CLEAN WATER THAN MAKING TOILET PAPER. That's right making a single tissue of TP uses more water than just simply washing your butt. You can also shower less frequently because you don't constantly smell like shit. We are deforesting jungles just to turn them into butt napkins that do not even clean us properly, they just smear the shit all over the crack and make us smell like poop.

Also without TP there's no longer an issue with assholes flushing their used TP down the toilet and clogging the pipes, houses will no longer get TP'ed, the pandemic scalping situation wouldn't have happened etc etc. So why are people still hellbent on using this inferior method?

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[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Anyone scrolling down. Here's an alternative if you can't install a bidet. This disc top container works, especially convenient if you have used shampoo containers with it. Just fill it up with water and wash yer ass with it.

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[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Generally hygiene is taught by your mom/dad or primary caretaker and somewhat by your primary school. So if no one ever mentions that to you, you're probably not going to think about it, and even hearing about it is going to seem somewhat alien.

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[–] Des@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (5 children)

i really want one but my partner has no gall bladder and blah blah gross stuff basically i'm afraid it will get really dirty and poopy from backsplash. i have to clean and bleach our toliet down every 2 days.

will that add complicated nooks and tubing to clean basically?

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[–] ProfessorOwl_PhD@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

france-cool

Enjoy your arse hose, francophile.

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Idk i can clean my butt with toilet paper. I agree with the other reasons but i don't smell like shit all the time.

Honestly getting a bidet never entered my mind as an option until the yks guys were talking about them. Never got around to it

[–] space_comrade@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Idk i can clean my butt with toilet paper.

Yeah me too but I always have to waste what feels like a lot of toilet paper. Washing your ass is objectively superior, I just can't be fucked to install a hose into my toilet and it's almost never an option to me anywhere I go.

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[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Even if you can clean a bidet is still better cause you wouldn't have to pay a premium just to avoid the single-ply ones that fall apart instantly. I haven't run the numbers but imagine all the beanis you can buy with all that TP money saved over your lifetime.

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yeah i know the bidet is better, maybe when I'm back from out of town work I'll buy one for the family shitter.

A bidet, until very recently, had only been presented as a japanese novelty toilet gadget in any media i consumed anyway. This is my guess as to why Westerners don't use them

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[–] mayo_cider@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

After I learned to wash my ass I realised it didn't itch almost ever and then had the horrifying realization

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[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago (11 children)

If we're talking about "inventing TP", I'm pretty sure we wiped with leaves and stuff before we invented the hose. Maybe even nice thick leaves like cabbage leaves.

I don't like getting only my butt wet instead of the whole body. If I wanted my butt wet I might as well take a shower.

Also, composting toilets are superior. Flush toilets emerged along with the capitalist class and the liberal idea of private bathroom ownership. Putting water pipes into every dwelling unit is a wasteful luxury that speeds up the decay of buildings. If we're talking about plumbing and commodity shortages we need to have a holistic approach instead of a hyperspecific bandaid approach.

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 9 points 1 month ago

I’m pretty sure the ultimate invention of paper for cleaning anuses happened, at least in the US, in 1791 when the Bill of Rights was ratified.

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[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 month ago

Bidet gang.

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

ego and homophobia/sexual propriety. those are the kneejwrk reactions I've heard from non adopters.

they "know" their asses are clean because they've smeared shit into their balloon knot for decades and it was "fine". got some peanut butter in a keyhole...? just use some tissue paper. totally hygienic. to consider otherwise is to consider one has been living with low standards for personal cleanliness despite full access to all the necessary technology and infrastructure of empire.

when they finally consider that maybe dry paper doesn't really clean feces off of skin effectively, they lash out about how the desire for a clean anus is some kind of sexual perversion they are "above".

[–] Thallo@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

when they finally consider that maybe dry paper doesn't really clean feces off of skin effectively, they lash out about how the desire for a clean anus is some kind of sexual perversion they are "above".

This sounds like exaggeration, but I've actually had someone say he doesn't use wet wipes because it's gay. "Why does my asshole need to be clean? For my boyfriend??"

Absolutely deranged puritanical culture.

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[–] miz@hexbear.net 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

smear fudgy chocolate on the anti-bidet crew and then when they ask to wash up just give them a rough paper towel

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[–] Blep@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Id install one if i ever owned a place

[–] RION@hexbear.net 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

$30 bidet from Amazon can attach just fine to pretty much any toilet and easy removal

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 5 points 1 month ago

Does it really require permission from your landlord? It's just a piece of plastic that goes between your toilet seat and the toilet bowl. It takes like 5 minutes to install.

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