This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
Bible stories are the same way, we've just heard them a million times so they don't seem weird
"Hey Jesus what toppings do you want for pizza?"
"Plain with cheese"
Later the disciples are eating pizza with Jesus
""Hey Jesus why did you say you like cheese pizza when you normally order pepperoni?"
"You dumb fucks how dare you not understand my hidden meaning, I am the true pizza and you are the pepperoni, the grease is my blood"
"Oh of course, sorry boss"
Its almost like nonsensical parables are a recurring theme in religions in general and we shouldn't be assuming a bunch of mystical morons from a thousand years ago knew any better.
... And one day, Jesus saw a fig tree. It was not the season for figs, and so there were no figs on the fig tree. But still, Jesus wanted a fig. He was upset there were no figs, and so he cursed the tree to never bear fruit again. If he couldn't have a fig, no one could! Probably bathed its roots in a thin stream of uric acid, I don't know.
Point is, that fig tree never made another fig, and when his followers asked how, Jesus zipped up his pants and said "if you believe in me, you can do anything. Not only can you totally curse trees to death, you can fuckin' teleport mountains into the ocean. That'd be sick, dude."
Thought that one always tied back to the whole "you shall know them by their fruits" thing.
As in those who talk nice but don't produce anything useful (like a fig tree that doesn't produce figs, just leaves) are not really doing what Jesus said. Don't be like the Pharisees hollering out in the streets, just love God and do good in the world.
Yes but it's still weird because it wasn't the right time of year for it to have fruit. The tree would have if Jesus hadnt been a dick.
In response to calling a prophet bald:
"So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths." -New King James bible, 2 Kings 2:24
This is the real way to turn the other cheek
Yeah, Kings is wild.
"Jesus... when you say 'get me off this fucking cross, so help me God'... is that a test? Or should we actually get you off the cross?"
( More ranting and screaming and moaning )
The disciples nod wisely at their leader's self-sacrifice for... their sins maybe? And he will always be immortal in their hearts, because they've already eaten him or something.
The disciples go home, wiser and holier and warily eyeing each other in confirmation of the deeper meaning behind their saviour's last words: "Guys, please, I'm not fucking around, get me down, please, I'm so fucking thirsty.... Jesus fucking christ"
One story that stands out to me is there were these warriors who fought a hundred dudes consecutively and then one guy who fought 100 of those warriors consecutively and then Buddha killed him instantly.
He was tired from fighting all those other dudes. Of course he killed him
Dopest shit I've ever heard. Bastards established powerlevels before the Roman empire
I think I can explain. In Buddhism, you have to understand if he didn’t the last into the pizza, but from where I stand it simply is. I hope that helps.
I felt a bit sympathetic to Buddhism up to the point when I actually visited a Buddhist temple and listened to the speeches of monks.
The amount of brain rot disguised as wisdom has made me feel Christianity ain't that bad after all.
Sorry in advance to any Buddhist out there, but it struck me how the common perception of it differs from the actual thing.
Late to the party, and no offence to buddhism, but i always loved this quote from Terry Pratchett
“Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questions and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?"
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: "A fish!"
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.” ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
(copies the quote from https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/46982-thief-of-time?page=2 but i'm rather sure its correct, so i didn't check my copy).
It depends really. I grew up Buddhist and things were chill. Speeches I heard at temple were just telling us to be good people, be nice to people no matter their race or gender stuff like that, don't do harm to people or animals.
Even Abrahamic religions have good and bad spiritual leaders, some are cult like and others are just trying to get people to have decent morals.
Out of curiosity, which Buddhist tradition was this temple out of? I've had similar experience, but I get the feeling like Buddhist thought might be about as diverse as Christian.
It's much more diverse than Christianity, actually. Buddhism isn't so much a religion in the judeochristian sense as a characteristic that many religions have. There are Buddhist traditions that worship gods, there are godless Buddhist traditions that worship the Buddha,, and ones thay don't even worship the Buddha but just think he was a pretty wise dude. Some require you to meditate daily, others to chant some mantras, and there are Buddhist traditions like Zen that worship nothing and are all about getting your head out of your ass.
Plain Buddhism was kind of a downer so they made stuff like pure land buddhism that is more of a fun afterlife version instead of hardcore OG Buddha which is like kill yourself and stop existing forever because the world is just an eternal cycle of pain and reincarnation into more pain forever.
Yeah, Zen Buddhism kinda rocks.
I kinda lost my interest in Buddhism when I learnt that according to traditional Buddhist lore, women can't reach Nirvana.
When they've collected enough good karma, they are reborn as a man.
Surely that's not all sects of Buddhism.
I mean aint that different from what the old testament teaches. Not saying the choice is between Christianity and Buddhism, but I'd assume most religions have patriarchy vibes baked into them. Not that I agree with religion, I see them all as means of various levels of crowd control for the masses, and somebody trying to benefit from it, be it a spiritual leader or an orange clown.
Don't blame the religion, blame the people.
Buddhist or Christian, people love brainrot.
The Buddhist Monk walks up to the hot dog vendor and says: "make me one with everything."
The monk pays with a twenty, which the vendor pockets.
"Where's my change?"
"Change comes from within."
Buddhism's "Life sucks? Be nice and die and you'll get a better one" sucks but it's still better than "you should be nice to others, but that's too much to ask so go be as awful as you want and just regret it later and that'll be fine". But even that was better than whatever the fuck people are interpreting from religions these days.
are they just trying to fuck with white people?
Not just white people, but people in general.
Before enlightenment, shitpost daily
After enlightenment, daily shitpost
Isn't Buddhism at least partially about a lack of desire? Buddha is enlightened, meaning he has no desires, therefore if you asked him what he wanted on his pizza, he'd be like "Eh, whatever's fine"
I think it's more about attachment. We suffer because we get attached to feelings, desire, etc. When we should realize, those, along with most things, are ephemeral, or "not real". I don't think it is that Buddhist can't have desire or are indifferent, but that they strive for lack of attachment. That's probably a gross oversimplification and, like most religions, there are many different sects.
Zen koans are basically ancient memes.
Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing to steal.
Ryokan returned and caught him. "You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler, "and you should not return empty-handed. Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away.
Ryoken sat naked, watching the moon. "Poor fellow," he mused, "I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
idk this one at least makes sense logically as in: the conscious lifestlye helps the monk see the beauty of life while the thief is chasing material clothes that ultimately in life dont matter like that.
Most koans though usually are designed as short riddles to be not logical at all/paradoxical and make you move beyond rational thought to experience intuitive/real understanding of reality. The worst one to me is the one hand clap koan, like what does it mean - aaah!
goes like: "Two hands clap and there is a sound; what is the sound of one hand?"