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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/typewriterhoney on 2023-07-27 09:35:08+00:00.

hi hi!! i got engaged almost 2 months ago and it’s been a such an exciting and happy time.

my fiancé and i got into a little tiff about an engagement party: we had a little celebration after the proposal with our close family and my partner’s best friends who are local. it was perfect and beautiful, hosted at our house with some light snacks and champagne. it was around 15 people. however, i really want to have an actual engagement party to include my best friends who are scattered around the state/country, and more of our close friends and family who weren’t included in the proposal celebration.

i mentioned this to my fiancés family and was shut down from the idea saying that we already had an engagement party after the proposal. my fiancé and i talked about it before and he was completely in agreement with having a more formal and traditional engagement party. but after hearing from his family that they think we shouldn’t do so, he flipped his opinion and said we didn’t need one. i’m upset because i feel like i haven’t been able to celebrate such a huge milestone with my friends, and with a lot of our close friends and family that weren’t in attendance on the day of our proposal. his family mentioned that i should instead go meet up with my friends to celebrate individually rather than throwing the engagement party.

i normally would just go through with the party anyway but i feel like since it’s an engagement party it should be more than just a get together at our house. we were originally hoping my fiancés family would host. if we were to throw it on our own it would be difficult as my fiancé’s finances are largely controlled due to trust fund logistics, so i’m a bit upset that we might not get to have an engagement party.

part of me wants to ignore what they said and ask my parents to help us pay for a party, but i don’t want it to cause any fights for my fiancé to deal with or any uncomfortable feelings for us and our families. our wedding is happening around 2025/2026 so i feel like we should do whatever celebrations we can now since the wedding is so far away. my fiancé is now saying that he will back me up with whatever i choose. but i’m having a hard time feeling okay with either option.

WIBTA for still wanting an engagement party? and AITA for feeling like i’m not getting to celebrate my engagement in a normal way due to what my fiancés family wants?

Edit to add: I was never expecting my in laws to pay. My fiancé and I discussed splitting costs evenly. He has a trust fund where the bulk of his money goes to be invested. He doesn’t get solo control of it until he is either married or 35. So, he had to get written consent from the owner of the trust to take out money that is outside of the normal income that is given quarterly. The owners are obviously his parents. My parents and his parents have already let us know that they decided to split costs for our wedding. Since they are doing that, my fiancé and I decided all extra wedding festivities (bachelor/ette, wedding shower, rehearsal, etc) would come out of our pockets. If my in laws do not sign off on my fiancé using some of his trust money to pay for a potential engagement party, then I would ask my parents to help pay for what I could not cover. They have already offered this. My fiancé hasn’t even asked for any money. There was one conversation about this, my in laws are /not/ dead set on no engagement party, nor are they fussed over this situation. I do not have reason to believe they wouldn’t sign off on my fiancé using his money for this, even if they think the formal engagement party is not necessary. I’m more so worried that I will come off as an AH for continuing on despite their opinions.