This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LegitimateArrival263 on 2023-07-27 13:14:55+00:00.

My husband (35m) works for an IT company and he works from home. It's a pretty flexible job and he has a lot of free time. He bills for 8 hours but he's told me that he finishes his workload by 11am most days. His boss and team love him and have been pretty good with his workload. He makes a little bit over $120k and apparently is slated for a raise every year. However last year (his second year at the company) he did not get a raise and when I asked him about it he said he's not sure why. A few months go by and I asked about it again and he said he's too awkward asking for it.. and that he never really bothered because he feels like an imposter and felt guilty approaching it. He finally bit the bullet and asked and he ended up getting a 10k raise.. if asked a year ago (when he was entitled to it) we could have been getting $900 more per month that could have gone to savings/retirement/home renos etc.

This made me really frustrated! I do all the financial planning, savings accounts, health insurance, and retirement accounts. Before I started my new job I spent weeks going over my new contract with a lawyer and I made sure to ask exactly how bonuses, raises, and paid leave are all structured. Yet my husband just signed his contract in an afternoon. In fact he jokingly tells me that he asked for a certain amount without researching what his position makes and they had to tell him that it was low and gave him a higher billing pay.

I told him that it's frustrating that I try to so hard to make sure I get everything in writing and paid properly and he's just blase about it. He said that it's different since I am in medicine at a large hospital and he's in an IT company where everyone is chill. His boss has been a great mentor to him and gave him many opportunities. We have a toddler boy and my husband has been the primary caretaker for him and his boss has been understanding and given him the flexibility for doctor's appointments, childcare etc as needed and that's why he felt awkward asking for it. But the thing is that his boss isn't paying him.. his boss is just his manager and the salary structure is set much higher than him. I got upset and told him that if he asked earlier he could have gotten another raise in a few months but he thinks he gets paid too much already. He said that he kinda worries that they'll let him go if he gets too expensive.. but they're a large company with a lot of projects coming to him.

AITA for being frustrated with him and telling him that I don't trust him when it comes to managing money? He lashed out saying that he takes care of everything at home including meal prepping and taking care of a toddler and that I'm being too hard on him for this one thing.. but it's kind of a big thing no?