Got the "I'm not going to be in contact for while/let's cool it off" message, which always sucks. Thought we were doing well, but shit happens I guess. Relationships are complicated, especially when you don't see each other often.

Still looking for a job, kinda wondering aimlessly right now. Need to try get my driver's licence renewed (old one expired), might even have to take the test again as could've been a learners one. I can't remember. That's if I can even drive a car with all my spinal issues lol.

I think I'm doing ok

I'm doing a lot better than the last time I participated in a check in thread.

I've learned how to be myself as a single adult woman. I've been exploring my sexuality, and have been forwarding my sexual liberation by streaming on CB (which has had the side effect of tripling my income and taking my employer's boot off my neck).

Drinking less, smoking less, learning to have fun alone.

My cat is in need of surgery, which sucks and I can't afford it, which super sucks, but I'll make it work, not like I have a choice.

Overall, I'm good, still having a bit of a rough time, still stressed, but good.

I guess I'm neutral leaning toward bad?

"My" brother's tumor is growing and while it's a lot slower than anyone expected, they never say he won't die. I know they don't want to give false hope but sometimes i wish they'd just say it instead of saying "I'm just a human" and "I believe in miracles" like its good they aren't giving up on him but telling me god himself needs to cure him doesn't make me feel better

"My" step brother and his wife have been treating "my" brothers cancer as a chance to prove their conspiracy theories correct and have further convinced my adoptive parents that if he just eats all organic, vegan food he'll be fine. Nevermind that that's all he's been eating for 8 months... and despite all my allergies that none of them have, im gonna end up being the one who does all the cooking and possibly all the grocery shopping and paying. The dickheads who bought the "anti cancer cookbook" can't be bothered to make the food for him themselves

Got into an argument with my partner last night over some stuff that I've had resentment over for a few years now but previous conversations went nowhere. I think they understand why I feel the way I feel now but I'm still hurt at what they did and that it took so long for them to see if from my perspective.

On the bright side, finished Stone Butch Blues and loved it. Still having motivation to knit, read, and do my stretches everyday although i can feel it waning. I'm reading Orientalism now and when I need a break from non fiction I'm gonna be reading all spooky/horror/thrillers for fiction this month.

At a 8 on a scale from 0 to coraline's dad on the overworked spectrum but otherwise okay.

I'm like completely broke for an indefinite amount of time. Like I have three euros, a bag of rice and some vegetables to my name. My parents were supporting me but my dad doesn't want to send me money anymore. I think I have enough cash to keep me afloat for a bit but after that I don't know what I'm going to do. So yeah I'm not feeling good about that

Also finding it really hard to make friends in college. I'm in my third year and have barely anyone I talk to regularly. Sometimes I meet cool people at events and societies and then never see them again. Feeling pretty lonely and if not for my roommates I don't think I would talk to anyone

My anxiety is really ramping up and ruining my life. I need to see a professional butI’m so fucking anxious about it that I’ve been putting it off for years.

I spent all day daydreaming and reading in the park. Bought pre-rolls. Now I'm eating delicious toast with 16 kinds of different grains and seeds and it's covered with hemp seed oil and salt and full of soma from the waning moon.

I had high blood pressure last doctor visit. I'm working on getting it lower so I don't have to go on meds. I'm crushing beets and it's been helping a ton. Cardio has doubled. Diet healthier in general. I'll knock it out but it is a bit stressful.

Quite well actually. Started uni a few weeks ago and I'm doing linguistics which I'm really into so that's been pretty fun. I've had a bit of extra time now that I'm more settled in as well, so I finally started learning Arabic (fus7a that is) for real, which I've been wanting to do for a long time and it definitely hasn't disappointed because it's a really cool language. Also I met someone really cool on the introduction day thingy for my programme and we've been talking a lot, like a lot a lot, and it's been really nice, it's been quite some time since I've vibed with someone this well I think.

On the other hand ye olde eating disordre is a thing still I guess, although in kind of a weird way where I almost don't know if I can call it that. It hasn't really even been on my mind almost at all, which in pretty stark contrast to a while ago, and it doesn't feel like I've been eating that little, but at the same time I've clearly lost a fair amount of weight (can't say how much bc I have refrained from getting a scale) since arriving here because basically none of my clothes seem to fit anymore. So yeah idk what's up with that

Life has been up and down a lot the last few months, what with moving, figuring out i’m trans, starting transitioning, getting sick, new city, ect. The next few weeks will be incredible though. Going on a long distance backpacking trip with one of my oldest friends.