One of the things I've been hoping for with HRT (apart from boobs and so on) is more emotional depth. I have a not entirely undeserved reputation as an emotional black hole. I was going to complain about not seeing any of that this week, until I realized that I've been crying over random things all weekend that would ordinarily have me annoyed and looking for a drink. It's weird how much better I feel after, kind of like a cheat code.

A trans woman I've been following on Youtube recently posted a rant about the trans community, and she seems to have internalized a lot of right-wing transphobic talking points. That saddens me, because I've only just started unpacking all of my internalized transphobia and misogyny (and I thought I was an ally!) and I realize it's been causing me a lot of self-loathing.

Oh, and dialing in my dose after switching to injections sucks. I mean, I can top up with gel if need be, but every time I see man stuff coming back feels like waking up from a really good dream and realizing it was just a fantasy all along. Androgen blockers are available, but kind of a last resort here. Guess I might want to seriously consider orchiectomy^*^?

I want a hug :(

^*^ Autocorrect suggested "hysterectomy" instead, which -- I mean -- thanks for the affirmation, I guess?

This weekend I got to use my new name and pronouns with my community for the first time ever. I couldn't believe how good it felt to hear my new name coming from the people I love. I have been having a really tough couple of months as I have been slowly processing my gender and the joy this weekend gave me made it all feel worth it.

I am extremely lucky, I have so many amazing people around me. All of my people that I reintroduced myself to were excited and supportive. I know that I have a really long road ahead and that not everyone is going to be that great. But I got a taste of what I am doing this for and I think she's going to be worth it.

I got a clinic referral yesterday! Waiting on a confirmation letter/email but the gp visit went so much better than I expected. I was automatically offered the clinic with the shortest waiting times and the doctor made sure to make a note of my preferred name and pronouns on my file. I was in and out in 10 minutes and had to contain a big dumb smile as I was leaving

Anxious. Have Harvest Festival/Thanksgibbon plans with the family (not notably stressworthy) in a different state. Travel plans for work/pet are mostly settled, but the stress remains.