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this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2024
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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Neutorypical here (possibly a touch of undiagnosed autism but not a lot)- I don't get into them.
My wife and I take a very proactive approach to communication. We talk through decisions before either of us gets emotionally attached to an answer. We trust each other to have good decision making processes when that isn't an option. We have thoroughly established that both of us are putting the interests of the household first. We know both of us are acting in good faith, we both apologize, and we accept each other's apologies.
In previous, less healthy relationships, I realized what made a "fight" was that her or I wanted it to be. Maybe one of us wanted attention or affirmation or had some inner problems was taking out on the other. Perhaps we just didn't feel like we were properly heard unless we were angry. Whatever the actual fight about was usually something that could've been resolved without emotional energy.
As for how long to recover after... When it happened it always depends on the specific fight. Sometimes hours, sometimes days, eventually the big one was that we broke up permanently. If the issue has been resolved and someone is harboring resentment because the other party disagreed with them, there's more underlying emotional issues that need to be resolved.