Years ago, I made a special long-distance trek to a specific animal rehab center just to hold a baby spider monkey. They took animals from other zoos across the country being shut down for abuses, so they were real careful with their charges.

It was one of the best things I’ve experienced. She was adorable and clingy. And I got to pet (nose) and feed an adult male hippo the same day because they had him penned to clean his enclosure. Fucking terrifying, that; he was super gentle, but if he’d wanted out, that pen wasn’t stopping him.

You put a baby monkey sign out and I’m as good as baited. Every time. I’d probably fall for a lamb or kid (goat kind not human kind) or really any baby animal, as long as mama is chill with it.