I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isn't welcome in this community anymore...oh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.
I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.
And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!
Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. I'm not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like "you're getting a free vacation" and "how many opportunities like this are you going to get" and "we tried our best to accommodate you."
My wife also didn't want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: it's free, let's give it a fair shake.
Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. I'm writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe we'll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.
My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think they're also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once they're already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying "We're at Senor Frogs." I did not get "We're going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?"
I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didn't ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brother's kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldn't feel left out. I wouldn't have felt left out by not being invited to something I didn't want. I wouldn't feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.
I'm just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesn't rock because it's on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. I'm wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I won't feel ashamed of being different. I didn't ask to be this way.
Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. I'm done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. We're over the hill. We'll be home soon, and I will never do this again.
I know this feel. But honestly, as much as I understand that a lot of people love cruises and many never get the chance to even take a vacation in their lives let alone one that expensive, it doesn't mean you are in their debt or that this is how you should feel.
Gifts are when they're desirable for the recipient. If I were to walk up to you and hand you my garbage, it's technically a gift because I've given you something you didn't already have without expecting payment, but you would never call that a gift. Why? because I'm offloading the trash for my benefit. You didn't want it or ask for it or gain anything from it except extra work throwing it out. Your parents gave you the trip for their benefit - just because a cruise is worth much more to someone (other than you or I) than my trash doesn't make it any more a gift to you than my trash would be.
Of course, I would never tell my parents their gift is trash. In their head, they're doing me a favor. But when someone "helps" only on their own terms in a way they think is helpful (but you have already told them what you would find helpful, and it's not that...), it's not help as much as it is them thinking they know better and refusing to listen to you.
And yes I told you all that for my own "parents refuse to respect my wishes" reasons, so, read into it as you wish.
Gifts should never be a burden to the receiver.
I agree but that's wishful thinking for sure. Life isn't as simple as that statement hopes for.