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Anon is in a relationship
(sh.itjust.works)
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this post was submitted on 16 Nov 2023
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I have a SO like this. 8 Years now, it gets more easy over time, a bit at least. Real OCD is no joke, its like being insane while knowing. One knows on a logical level that it makes no sense to do this repetive actions, but has to do it anyway. Its often not only external stuff like washing hands, rotating objects till "they feel right"....a lot of ODC action are internal. Like saying certein sentences internal for X number of times.
As a Partner that can be frustrating causd you want to help the person u love but there is nothing u can do. You just have to accept it is like it is.
The internal permanent tention can be very exhaustig. Most people can have 'empty head' moments where you just chill and think nothing to relex for a moment. When u have strong OCD that dosent exists, every second your head is rotating, doing loops of things in your mind. Even simple things like catching a bus at a certein time can become extreme hard tasks cause you 'cant just go' no. U have to do all the internal and external OCD tasks before u can walk out the door.
All u can do as a partner is having patience, lots of it, and understandinf that the pressure to do this OCD tasks is as real to there brains as the need to breathe to us.
I kinda totally understand OCD, because my adhd prevents me from doing certain things and it's really hard to explain to people. I can do them, i just can't(?). It's obviously not as bad as what OP described and your wife goes through. But my question is, what happens if let's say your wife needs to use the light switch 50 times because... And you just grab her hand and take her away. She left the room without the clickedy clack and the world didn't end. Does she get like a nervous breakdown or resist? I've always wodered but never dared to ask anyone with actual ocd. Most people i know have the funny ocd that they know from monk.
If i interrupt a external OCD task (lightswitch example) then SO compensates by doing more internal tasks, it just shifts to something that is not external and thereby not stopable by anyone.
This all is allready with meds, without meds a 'normal' life would not be possible.
On a logical level they understand that the world dosent end if the task isnt finished, but to deeper parts of the Brain it still feels real, and the stress created by the fear of it is real, as real as it gets.
The brain is such a beautiful and fucked up thing.
Not the person you replied to, but one of my partners is mildly OCD and has to check all sorts of things before leaving, and she stresses tf out if I don't let her do her thing on the way out.
Meds help. Without them it would be way more extreme to a degree where it isnt managable by non healthcare professionals.
The only thing that shuts it down 100% are benzodiazepines but those are not a valid long therm solution, and are for emergency situation (heavy panic attacks) only. Benzos are allready very addictive to normal people, now imagen how addictive they are when they allow you do be free from your 24/7 OCD stress.
Yeah, I wouldn't want to play with benzos at the best of times, but I know they have their place. It's just unfortunate how zombified they get when they have to take one when a panic attack truly sets in...
Does meditation help at all?
For non-OCD folk, it really helps keep the brain from running around in circles. It can de-rail the temporary insanity train.
Can't speak for OCD, but I have ADHD and can relate to the incessant mental chatter and yes meditation did help. But it's also extremely difficult and I have never been able to maintain a habit. It comes and goes.
My suggestion is to try other mindful activities, for example I got really into whittling. It's a hands on activity and you have something to show afterwards, it's good to lock on your mind/focus.
Like someone else in the thread suggested crochet
It's a really difficult illness to treat. Unfortunately there is no silver bullet.