i am turning 20 this year and i have never felt so much mental anguish and fear in my life before. I have researched it and apparently the early 20s is harsh because of the combination of figuring out your life way more independently than ever before and internal challenges (onset of schizophrenia, personality disorders etc.) I have never hated people more than I do now and I’m scaring myself sometimes.
Who has survived this period pelase tell me what to do I’m Scared
First of all, you are absolutely not wrong. You are not crazy. Nearly everyone you meet is both stupid and deeply evil. I am not kidding.
Fortunately, most people have a fear of other people seeing that evilness and stupidity, and try to at least pretend, and cover it up.
That said, you lose nothing by treating everyone, even the brutes and the bullies, with kindness and patience, to the degree that you are willing to expend the emotional energy required.
Don't waste your time worrying about what other people are thinking. Just treat everyone with a baseline level of kindness.
If someone mistreats you, do your best to avoid such people. If you feel trapped around such people, remind yourself that this situation is not permanent. In the meantime, focus on yourself -- improve control over your emotional reactions in the difficult moment. Practice staying calm. Do not give outside observers a reason to take the side of your oppressor.
Practice meditation. Train yourself to be aware of your nervous system. Try to notice your breathing. If it is too shallow, breathe a little more deeply.
Also remember to forgive yourself. We all mess up. We're all pretty stupid and at least a little bit evil. Focus on changing what you have the power to change about yourself. Because nobody else is going to change themselves for you.
(Don't read too much into my use of the word evil. I am using the secular definition, not the religious one.)
Always remember, you are worthy of love and compassion.
And finally: get lots of sleep, rest, healthy food, and exercise. Avoid substance abuse, especially alcohol. When you stay healthy, you will be best prepared for the trials this world will without a doubt bring you.