In my religious background, there is huge emphasis on fearing God, fearing His wrath, and hell. Hell is very graphical. Here are some verses showing how graphical it is:
"And if ye do it not - and ye can never do it - then guard yourselves against the Fire prepared for disbelievers, whose fuel is of men and stones." (Q 2:24) "Lo! Those who disbelieve Our revelations, We shall expose them to the Fire. As often as their skins are consumed We shall exchange them for fresh skins that they may taste the torment. Lo! Allah is ever Mighty, Wise." (Q 4:56) "For such, their habitation will be hell, and they will find no refuge therefrom" (Q 4:121) "Lo! the hypocrites (will be) in the lowest deep of the Fire, and thou wilt find no helper for them;" (Q 4:145) "Lo! those who disbelieve and deal in wrong, Allah will never forgive them, neither will He guide them unto a road, Except the road of hell, wherein they will abide for ever. And that is ever easy for Allah." (Q 4:168-169) "They will wish to come forth from the Fire, but they will not come forth from it. Theirs will be a lasting doom." (Q 5:37) "Theirs will be a bed of hell, and over them coverings (of hell). Thus do We requite wrong-doers." (Q 7:41) "O ye who believe! Lo! many of the (Jewish) rabbis and the (Christian) monks devour the wealth of mankind wantonly and debar (men) from the way of Allah. They who hoard up gold and silver and spend it not in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings (O Muhammad) of a painful doom, On the day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of hell, and their foreheads and their flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said unto them): Here is that which ye hoarded for yourselves. Now taste of what ye used to hoard." (Q 9:35) "Know they not that whoso opposeth Allah and His messenger, his verily is fire of hell, to abide therein ? That is the extreme abasement." (Q 9:63) "Hell is before him, and he is made to drink a festering water, Which he sippeth but can hardly swallow, and death cometh unto him from every side while yet he cannot die, and before him is a harsh doom." (Q 14:16-17)
Even though I have left this religion but I get this nightmare that I am getting punishment for leaving the religion. I feel scared that what if I am wrong and end up burning in hellfire.
How to get rid of this fear so that I can live my life freely?
We were taught hate and told it was love. We were betrayed by the people who were supposed to care for us.
I have to consciously remind myself that my parents were wrong to hurt me. You and I deserve better than what we have been given. Children do not choose to be abused.
How do you personally define love?
My favorite way to think of it currently is as a force, like gravity. It draws people together, even if the result is not good for them. We evolved empathy and compassion for good reason, they help us survive. But they can also be taken advantage of. So it naturally feels scary to make ourselves vulnerable in sharing honest love, and it is worth remembering that we should not give away more than we are willing to lose.
I wish I knew how to help you. I am glad to see so many supportive comments here. Your pain is as unique as you are, but you are not alone.
I never got love so I don't know exactly what is love
Despite my abuse, I was lucky to have very good friends at school. They supported me in ways my parents never did. They helped me be a better person, and to enjoy life even though I was being mistreated at home. We played together, we made things; stick figure comics, lego sets, stories and games. They helped me feel like I mattered, like I deserved happiness.
Our family moved away. I tried to make new friends, but it wasn't the same. When my life fell apart, no one supported me. I am saddened that the relationships I thought we were building together for our whole lives turned out to mean much less to them. I am worth more than that, but it's easier to say than to feel. When enough people consistently treat me like I am worthless, it is difficult not to internalize that idea.
I have been lucky again to find people online. I hesitate to call them "friends" because I'm scared of getting hurt again. I'm scared of getting too close to anyone. But we talk, we play games, we share music, we listen to each other's problems, we support each other. They tell me that I matter, and I try to believe them. They matter, too. They have already made a positive difference in my life.
I think you are on a journey of discovering who you can be. It is difficult to let go of who we were. How do we make something new out of nothing? I'm still trying to find out myself.
I did not invent the idea of turning pain into love. Kimya Dawson probably didn't, either, but I heard it in her song "Fire" and it stuck with me.
https://youtu.be/C6mbnb4YcwM
Sorry if it's not your thing, or if I rambled too much. I don't know how to help you, but I can share what has helped me.
Thanks for effort. It is not just fear of hellfire. The place where I live, extremist people, who will kill me if they thought I am blaspheming or shit like that. I always remain scared if I got my atheism revealed or worst case scenario, if I got alleged into blasphemy which will give me death in the most painful ways imaginable.