ADHD

I cannot function without stress. I don't work better under stress, I can ONLY work if I'm stressed. So all my life I'm rushing and hurrying artificially even if there is no objective reason to do that. This model was working great for me all my life until now when I'm in my twenties and my body is collapsing with GERD, proctological issues, bruxism, headaches, tinnitus, fibromyalgia... They say, "Oh, you just have to do things based on novelty and interes" but bitch you cannot make EVERYTHING interesting and new. When I start to give a fuck about everything and relax I end up doing no shit. And honestly I don't know what to do. The meds they were giving me just cause the same stress artificially elevating my noradrenaline and the evening crush is even worse compared to days when I'm stressing myself on my own means. I feel myself in a "stress yourself out and die or don't do anything and die as well" situation... Psychiatrist and meds, psychologist, supplements, weekly meetings in ADHD support group, physical activity, good sleep, good nutrition, all these ergonomical lifehacks like "pomodoro", "make the task easy", "just divide the task into subtasks", "reward yourself", "body double", "listen to podcasts while cleaning" etc... All this shit is not working. There is no brand new method left that I haven‘t tried and I'm deeply frustrated. I can only stress myself out until my body completely desintegrates. Just venting