No way a language model would come up with the victim mrs joke. And in general the writing of the whole piece is profoundly human, it's just clear that a lot of care went into it.

Like me — I love these things!! 😍 (I never use them properly though—iirc there is supposed to be no space between them and the letters like that, and also they should appear in pairs, but I dare to be different!)

Yup. Personally I prefer the em-dash—glorious at it is—without spaces surrounding it, whereas the en-dash – a lowlier punctuation – is best presented with spaces. In consequence I find em-dashes look better when presented with proper typography rather than in random places on the internet. But that's just personal preference. I'm tired of either character being treated as suspicious.