I am a guy who moved to a western country a few years ago. I am a vegan, atheist, antinatalist on top of already being an introvert, a privacy enthusiast, and a person from the other end of the world.
I find it extremely hard to find anyone. I literally haven't been on any dates in, like, 6 years now. I have zero success on dating sites because:
- Most of my values are so extreme to people that they would not want to swipe right on me
- This seems to reinforce the algorithms on the sites, and they score me further lower. When requested data from Bumble, I found out that I swipe right on ~3% on the profiles, Bumble only shows my profile to what amounts to 30% of that 3%, and I am swiped right by only ~1.5% of that.
- I have been blocked a few times before because of stupid stuff like absence of Google Play Services, phone numbers from a different country, etc., which I believe further lowers my score. Also, I do not verify myself, so yay.
(In my opinion, I am an average looking guy, and my photos are okay, so I do not think the photos are the problem)
Between work, a couple of hobbies, gym and recovering from work, I get no time to meet with people in person. Even if I wanted to, there aren't many common places to meet with new people. I miss when we were young, and could casually make friends in school without even trying.
Some days, I just want to remove all those "filters", but then I cannot explain the removal logically/philosophically. I wish I could have lived my life in blissful ignorance of everything.
May be I am doing adulting and everything related horribly wrong. But regardless, I just wanted to vent and get it out.
Note: I know that there are people who do not agree with my values. I would be happy to discuss them (not sure if this thread is appropriate for that though), but I would appreciate if you would not outright dismiss them.
I think advice on how to find someone who meshes with you is unfortunately going to be somewhat western nation specific. The ways people go about meeting others, and the types of places that people like you and other political outsiders gather.
In terms of what advice I can offer, be open about your beliefs, I know its discouraging to turn people away early, but if you hold these beliefs sincerely its not fair to yourself or the person you're seeing to disguise them. You don't have to put them at the top of your page or anything, but denying that part of yourself will lead to resentment.
I would also say that the apps aren't a great place to go. They're designed to keep you on them more than to find a partner. What you replace this with will depend on your tastes, desires, and environment. Rural towns, have different dating scenes than cities, have different scenes than suburbs and so on. A random internet hookup post was what worked for me, after all the dating apps and other avenues.
Lastly, when you meet people remember that you are here to evaluate them too. Lots of people come into dates only thinking about how to market themselves or conceal their faults. I think that this tendency leads to missing connections. If you are only thinking about how you come off and whether they like you, you might appear desperate, or that you have no standards. Try and remember to find out more about the person you are with and consider if they would make a good partner for you. Being interested and trying to understand them that way should help find more success too.
Good luck and don't give up! There are many compatible people for every one of us, and you won't find them if you give up before you start. You shouldn't make it a life goal necessarily, but welcome it when it comes
Thanks for the advice.
I am aware of how fucked up the dating apps are, and I hate them with a passion. Every single app is owned by the same company, and if you get banned on one, you get banned on them all.
I am very concerned about compatibility if the expected values do not align, so I am very much opposed to concealing my faults. I am not very worried about me not showing my true self (I am sure I will), I am worried that I won't even find any.
Thank you for the optimism and kind words though!