ADHD

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A casual community for people with ADHD

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What to do when you are sure you family member is both Autistic and has ADHD but they refuse to accept or see a professional help for it (programming.dev)

submitted 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) by cactus_head@programming.dev to c/adhd@lemmy.world

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So my little sister displays clear signs of both Autistic and ADHD but refuse to look into it. She a teen-ish. Everyone suspects she is autistic, both my parents and my other sister but if were to use intensive language here a bit, I would say she is very childish for someone going to high school. There are other reasons that makes me think she is autistic(and has adhd)

Just yesterday she mentioned she finds skin texture disgusting, and has to focus on other features in a person's face and so gets distracted easily. She refuses to wear wet bathroom saddles. She is extremely touchy and clingy to both my mom and sister. She is stubborn as a well, always thinking she is in the right. She talks more like more like someone who learned to talk from just watching cartoons rather than other people. I could go on.

I admit, its probably my fault. I was more just pushy. I treated badly, telling her our father agrees with me and his word is law. I realise that doesn't she want the stigma, that I am basically insuring she never wants to look into it. Its not a disease or cancer, the excuse of tough love is not applicable here.

I will just have to drop it, but it hurts me that she has resources that I didn't have access to when I was her age.

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[–] Twinklebreeze@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What the fuck is this ADH"D" bullshit? If you are implying that ADHD isn't a disorder you can fuck right off.

[–] Zarobi@aussie.zone 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Some people believe that ADHD, autism, etc aren't actually disorders, they're just different ways of thinking. Which only makes sense if you ignore the often severe issues people face in daily life. To me, it's a problem if it's a problem, simple as that.

[–] TherapyGary@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What's frustrating about the diagnostic criteria is, because they're "disorders", you only meet criteria if it causes clinically significant functional impairment in multiple domains. Which means if you're well accommodated, you don't meet criteria, and there needs to be a way to have/identify with the thing, without being disordered about/because of it.

I do realize my approach to this is not quite the same as the people who make blanket statements about these things not being disorders at all, but I hope my explanation helps folks understand where they're coming from

[–] Zarobi@aussie.zone 3 points 2 days ago

I feel like people who "aren't functionally impaired" are often just extremely good at masking, and don't notice all the problems they deal with anymore. So it's more like, they won't diagnose or treat you because you've adapted to your limitations too well.

I had to do this with my ADHD. If I told people I struggle a lot, but I can get by with a million calendar alerts and reminders, they just tell me to go home. But if I phrased it instead as, I struggle severely with remembering things and meeting deadlines and appointments, they're more interested. Then they ask if I have any supports, and I say calender reminders help a bit, but don't resolve the underlying issue. Same problem, different presentation, with an emphasis on what I can't do.

It sucks we have to do this to get noticed, but also I think autistic people like myself are prone to being "too honest" with doctors and accidentally down-playing our struggles. Like oh yeah I just don't understand social norms at all, but I get by and figure it out you know? Instead of, actually this often makes life really hard and is a huge barrier especially if I'm in a new environment.