this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2026
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"Quotes"

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[–] vithigar@lemmy.ca 0 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Starting a post with an accusation of rape isn't really a great starting position, and frankly I find it disturbing that the default assumption is that it is likely I have pressured someone for sex at some point in my life. I have accepted a "not right now" as a no for as long as I can recall, and the idea that someone might actually suggest that "asking for consent ruins the mood" is, frankly, insane to me.

I did take a moment to reflect, and came up with nothing. I can think of one instance where I tried to initiate, but I felt my partner tense up before anything really happened. What happened next was I immediately stopped. She didn't even say no, but I knew she didn't want to continue.

I'm sorry your husband committed rape, and that you have apparently internalized the idea that all men are probably rapists to perhaps help accept that fact. I am not.

[–] Banana@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I get the idea you're not even buying what you're selling here with how defensive you got. I don't believe that you even believe you've never broken a boundary.

Truly, I don't give a fuck if you have, because I don't think fucking up when you're young makes you a bad person. You asked what else you can do, I said self-reflect. Maybe do that in private for more than 5 minutes. Don't report back.

[–] vithigar@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I honestly do apologize. Feel free to ignore this since you said don't report back, but I wanted to reply after some more reflection regardless.

You're correct that I don't believe I've broken a boundary, but I also am willing to accept that I'm simply not aware of a boundary I've broken. Unfortunately I remain unaware. I hope you understand that I am unable to comment on things I'm not aware of, and for better or for worse that's simply where I stand right now.

For whatever it's worth, if there is some boundary I've crossed, I'm sorry for that. I want to emphasize that's not a "I'm sorry you feel that way" non-apology but a genuine remorse for whatever harm I've caused someone. I don't want to hurt people.

In addition to the general apology, I want to directly apologize for my closing paragraph about your husband. It was uncalled for.

I will not be further editing or removing any of my prior comments to cover up statements I regret, as I believe complete context is important for anyone who stumbles across this later.

Not expecting a reply. I hope you find other interactions more pleasant than this one.

[–] orioler25@lemmy.world 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Yeah dude, "you're projecting trauma" as a response to someone pointing out that these are values that are dominant in our society -- as I have said multiple times -- really shows how open you are to thinking about how your internalized values effects your participation in the reproduction of rape culture.

You know you are using the exact talking points we use to teach teens about rape culture, right? Like, word for word in some instances. Red flags all around for not an "aggressive" person, but more of a coercive, manipulative kind of perpetrator (something you see with a lot of "socialist" men who don't do the dishes). At this point, there's a high chance you've committed gender based or sexual violence with how you've been talking, because our culture literally socialized you to do it without even thinking and you're proudly saying "No, I think enough and have determined for myself that I'm not a problem." If you don't want to seem like the kind of person we teach people to look out for, maybe shut the fuck up and learn something.

I'm fairly certain you're disingenous, but I wanted to make sure this was here in case others followed the thread above and don't see someone else point out the issues here.

[–] vithigar@lemmy.ca 0 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Those values are dominant in our society! If anything I've said has been construed in such a way that you think I believe otherwise then I apologise.

To be clear, rape culture is a real problem, and I do see evidence of that in society at large. I have no idea what I can do about it, as my own social circles are non-representative.

edit: Oh, and I do, in fact, do the dishes.