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And that's what psychological integration and individuation is, as well. For instance, I can acknowledge my parents did me real harm, and in turn I did harm to my own child. It wasn't intentionally, it was using the tools we had available at the time.

That's why I can say my love for blood and "soul" family is unconditional, but access to me is not. And there's where I wrestle with how to try to organize my very small, very poor rural community.