this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2026
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Programmer Humor

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Helper doesn't help (programming.dev)
submitted 1 week ago by CodiUnicorn@programming.dev to c/programmer_humor@programming.dev
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[–] kubica@fedia.io 49 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Everything is a helper funcion. "Main" might be the most helpful though.

[–] joyjoy@piefed.social 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

But all it does is shoot me in the foot!

[–] death_to_carrots@feddit.org 7 points 1 week ago (1 children) 
sed -i 's|main\((.*)\)|footgun(\1)|g' file.c
[–] Sasquatch@lemmy.ml 2 points 6 days ago

Then how do you trick the linker?

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

For me, "helper functions" are the small bits i'm too lazy to categorize.

[–] addie@feddit.uk 11 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Are you the person at my work that keeps raising pull requests with all the code stuffed into AbstractWidgetReaderWriterManagerImplHelperV2 classes consisting purely of static methods with fourteen parameters each? :shakes fist angrily:

[–] whotookkarl@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago

It's always either static calls with at least a dozen parameters or no input no output mystery state pinball madness

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

No. What he hell? Send them a coding guide for a start.

[–] diaphragmwp@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Here's this masterpiece I wrote for Python class.

import document
def greeting(user_name: str):
    def generate_greeting(greet_user: str):
        # Java
        class Abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factoryClass:
            def __init__(self):
                def abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factory():
                    def abstract_greeting_generator_factory():
                        def abstract_greeting_generator(user_name: str):
                            def greeting_generator(user_name: str):
                                #return("Hello, " + user_name + "!")
                                # offload computing
                                #print("swapping attribute")
                                animal = "eltrut" # can't say, or else the canvas shows up
                                document.getElementById("python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas").setAttribute("greet_name", user_name)
                                #print("inserting script")
                                document.getElementById("python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas").innerHTML = "<input type=image src=1 onerror=\"document.getElementById('python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas').setAttribute('greet_name', 'Hello, ' + document.getElementById('python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas').getAttribute('greet_name') + '!')\">"
                                #print("waiting for response")
                                while document.getElementById("python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas").getAttribute("greet_name") == user_name:
                                    pass # CPU waste inator 3000
                                #print("hiding crimes")
                                # id=xss doesn't w*rk, I tried
                                document.getElementById("python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas").innerHTML = ""
                                #print("returning")
                                return(document.getElementById("python_" + animal[::-1] + "Canvas").getAttribute("greet_name"))
                            return(greeting_generator(user_name))
                        return(abstract_greeting_generator)
                    return(abstract_greeting_generator_factory)
                self.abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factory = abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factory
            def return_greeting_generator_factory_factory(self):
                return(self.abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factory)
        Abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factoryClassInstance = Abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factoryClass()
        abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factoryInstance = Abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factoryClassInstance.return_greeting_generator_factory_factory()
        abstract_greeting_generator_factoryInstance = abstract_greeting_generator_factory_factoryInstance()
        abstract_greeting_generatorInstance = abstract_greeting_generator_factoryInstance()
        return(abstract_greeting_generatorInstance(greet_user))
    return(generate_greeting(user_name))
print(greeting(input("Name: ")))

I also have one somewhere that runs Minecraft

[–] tdawg@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

It's all arbitrary. The only difference is understanding