"Let's suppose that in the 2020s, with everybody spending all of their life online, virtual reality is the only reality, and as such we have entered a post-materialist world, where the 'real issues' are not the patterns of wealth concentration or deprivation that we are a part of, but our subjective online tribalistic persuasions."
With 4 axes because that's what most of the other ones have. And a 5-point scale of Strongly Agree to Strongly Disagree for each single statement. Guaranteed for both the poles to be really accurately descriptive, and for each axis to be totally independent of the others, pinky swear. I'm telling you what the categories are in advance, which are all neologistic buzzwords, so you won't be tempted to skew your test.
Then I'll pick a famous political (or parapolitical) figure from this decade to conpare you to!
uh oh