I haven't felt great since a few years ago. I had ups and downs, but I have always maintained myself functional enough to not worry my family and friends.
Likewise, I have always been very pro-psychology, and it has greatly helped me with my problems. I never had proper appointments with an actual therapy plan until this year. Most of it was talking and venting at the student wellbeing office in my university and going to sessions in another university doctor's office.
At the start of the year, I had my first appointment for actual therapy in the long run, and my therapist diagnosed me with a mixed diagnosis of anxiety and depression. Even though I was greatly glad to know what was on my mind, I started to worry about how much I would rely on the health system.
I went twice or thrice with her, but all sessions have been question after question, and I don't feel I can do much right now. She hasn't asked me to do anything right now, and her schedule is full, and our next appointment was supposed to be around two weeks ago. And my fears about not being able to keep this in the long run are worrying me.
And I couldn't vent or talk to the wellbeing office either because she has been incredibly busy, and she's the only person qualified in the institution to do that. I have tried to talk to her, but everything is rushed and talked about super quickly.
Currently I don't have any suicidal ideations, nor have I ever had them, but it's increasingly more difficult to keep going as things are.
Thanks to everyone who read my ramblings up to this point; feel free to comment; I'll read you.
It sounds like you're currently trying to deal with your anxiety and depression non pharmaceutically, is that correct? Are you considering adding that at some point? It's made a huge difference to me, but did take a bit to find what worked. I found providers that were pretty hands off in that I did my research and told them what I wanted and why and they wrote prescriptions and we checked in every few months to see if something needed changed. Appointments are maybe 15 minutes so I'm less dependent on her not being busy, etc. It's from a large provider, too, so if I need an appointment I can get one even if my primary isn't available. I'm not sure if that appeals to you or is available to you, but wanted to offer other options that had worked for me.
It has been completely non pharmaceutically, correct. I'm not against it, but my doctors have never bring up the option, so I have never looked too much into it.
So have you seen a doctor (psychiatrist) as well? A therapist wouldn't be able to prescribe medication, in fact I'm surprised they diagnosed you; or maybe you're seeing a psychiatrist who also provides therapy?
I started taking medications a few months ago, at first I was very sceptical about them (thanks to prejudices from my parents), but now it's undeniable that I feel their positive effects and my worries were mostly unfounded. Side effects suck, but my doctor is mindful of them and seems determined to find a treatment where I only get the benefits without the side effects.
I don't believe the meds alone will be enough for me to deal with... everything, but they helped me climb up from a deep hole, and hopefully with therapy and other support I'll be able to form habits and change my mindset enough to actually live my life, not just survive.