Not *Not* the Onion

WASHINGTON—Drawing intense scrutiny for what opponents have characterized as misuse of agency resources, FBI director Kash Patel came under fire Tuesday for using an FBI jet to blow-dry his hair.

“On numerous occasions, Kash Patel has inappropriately utilized a government-funded Gulfstream jet to add shine and smoothness to his hair after a shower,” said Illinois Sen.

Dick Durbin, adding that Patel’s hair care habits had already cost American taxpayers $250,000 in jet fuel alone.