this post was submitted on 04 Apr 2026
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I have no patience for single-turtle hypothesists. What would it even push against? It doesn't make sense. Now, if it were an infinite stack of turtles, each pushing against each other an infinitesimal amount, it could generate a constant 9.8m/s^2, so I don't think we can rule out the many-turtles hypothesis. But I still think the simplest explanation is the most likely, and that is a giant rocket booster.
Unless... a single turtle had four rocket boosters instead of flippers... that could work. Hold on, I need to diagram this out with some red yarn.
The turtle is omnipotent and omniscient so therefore he can simply will it to be. He has no need of man's rockets or the thoughts of men doubting him.