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I looked like a 10 year old girl the entire time I was in school and didn't attract any boys. My breasts only started growing after I graduated from high school and they're still small. I still look underage and still don't attract any men my age. I have never known a man to call me beautiful or hold the door for me, I don't know how to flirt and I can't imagine myself doing it.
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My mother always did all the work for me. Even when I was going to wash the dishes myself, shed snatch the plate out of my hands and wash it herself. Yes, I was the problem too, I wasn't persistent enough, but I was a lazy and apathetic child, and if someone did something for me, I never minded. Especially when my mother did it, it seemed natural to me. I didn't know that many girls my age already knew how to cook. Now I have to learn all of it myself and I feel incredibly pathetic as a woman.
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This close bond between mother and daughter is alien to me. I've never been close to my mother, I almost never shared my feelings with her. Partly this is because of my school years, when I had problems with other kids, and I didn't say anything to her so as not to upset her. And also, we are just very different people. She is very sociable, likes to talk for hours without expressing a single complete thought. I feel like a terrible daughter, but I just have a hard time to tolerate it, I tried, but I can't. I communicate much better with my father.
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I dont know how to look good. When all the girls in my school wore makeup, I didn't have any. When I was finally able to buy it myself, I looked really ridiculous. So much time has passed, and I still can't put makeup on well on this face. When I buy clothes for myself, they look stupid, it seems like I have no idea what suits me and what doesn't, and I don't know how to combine them well. I even watched video tutorials on this, but it doesn't help. I'm always amazed by schoolgirls with good makeup and stylish clothes. It's as if other girls have some kind of innate talent for it, but I don't.
There's a lot more I could say, but that's the gist of it. I don't know what to do, and I'd like to hear what other women with similar experiences think, but I wouldn't mind hearing what men think, too.
I am in a similar boat to you on the hair/makeup/clothing front. For reasons that aren't important here, I've never really worn makeup or been able to really do up my hair. My personal clothing preferences never left the 90s standards of jeans + graphic tees - which are very gender-neutral clothes. I don't wear dresses, skirts, or heels because I don't like them.
None of these choices makes me less of a woman. I am far too old to really give a shit anymore about society's standards for what a woman is. I am a woman because that's how I identify. Even if I don't wear makeup. Even if I wear androgynous clothes.
I will be the first person to admit that I never had a line of men knocking at my door, but I had more men interested in me than I expected, and 100% their interest was in my confidence and my personality. I am happily married in spite of my style choices.
If you are wanting to get more into makeup, I can echo what other commenters here said about engaging folks at beauty places for help. Yes, they are ultimately sales people, but it's because they are sales people that they have a vested interest in making sure you like how you look and can apply the products yourself. You're not going to spend money on stuff you don't want and don't know how to use.
And for clothes, try stuff on and see how you like the look of yourself in them. All that matters here is what you think and how you feel wearing the clothes. Tons of women can rock some very nontraditional outfits and look amazing.
For cooking, I can recommend America's Test Kitchen. You can probably find some of their cookbooks at the library. They are great about making recipes as simple as straightforward as possible while also telling you WHY they are doing xyz in the recipe.
All I can say for the relationship with your mother is that it sounds very complicated and well above my pay grade. If you have the means, I would recommend therapy to work through that relationship and maybe gain some self confidence on the way.
Bottom line: discover what you truly want for yourself and work towards those goals. Being a woman is whatever you want it to be.
Thank you, you cheered me up :>๐ธ