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I looked like a 10 year old girl the entire time I was in school and didn't attract any boys. My breasts only started growing after I graduated from high school and they're still small. I still look underage and still don't attract any men my age. I have never known a man to call me beautiful or hold the door for me, I don't know how to flirt and I can't imagine myself doing it.
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My mother always did all the work for me. Even when I was going to wash the dishes myself, shed snatch the plate out of my hands and wash it herself. Yes, I was the problem too, I wasn't persistent enough, but I was a lazy and apathetic child, and if someone did something for me, I never minded. Especially when my mother did it, it seemed natural to me. I didn't know that many girls my age already knew how to cook. Now I have to learn all of it myself and I feel incredibly pathetic as a woman.
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This close bond between mother and daughter is alien to me. I've never been close to my mother, I almost never shared my feelings with her. Partly this is because of my school years, when I had problems with other kids, and I didn't say anything to her so as not to upset her. And also, we are just very different people. She is very sociable, likes to talk for hours without expressing a single complete thought. I feel like a terrible daughter, but I just have a hard time to tolerate it, I tried, but I can't. I communicate much better with my father.
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I dont know how to look good. When all the girls in my school wore makeup, I didn't have any. When I was finally able to buy it myself, I looked really ridiculous. So much time has passed, and I still can't put makeup on well on this face. When I buy clothes for myself, they look stupid, it seems like I have no idea what suits me and what doesn't, and I don't know how to combine them well. I even watched video tutorials on this, but it doesn't help. I'm always amazed by schoolgirls with good makeup and stylish clothes. It's as if other girls have some kind of innate talent for it, but I don't.
There's a lot more I could say, but that's the gist of it. I don't know what to do, and I'd like to hear what other women with similar experiences think, but I wouldn't mind hearing what men think, too.
I noticed a good bit of the comments here are basically saying to try to learn how to wear makeup through tutorials or similar, I just wanted to be a dissenting voice.
I'm a man though so of course feel free to disregard.
I absolutely hate the social construct that women have to wear makeup to be beautiful, if you are the kind of person that just likes to do it because you're passionate, that's one thing (I don't understand it but if that's what makes one happy...), but doing it because it's the norm and expected I strongly disagree with.
On 2, my mother similarly "took care of" a lot of the housework for me growing up, so there were a lot of skills I did not posses for a long time, luckily I've been with my wife since high school, and she was able to tolerate me while I developed those skills lol.
3, it feels a bit messed up to say, I love my mom and dad, but I also never felt extremely connected to them, I kind of assume it's a light autism thing personally.
4, that's a matter of personal taste right, though I again worry about what is driving you to that desire, if it's just because you want to look good for yourself, cool go for it, there's lots of information on line, but I worry about it being a bit of a toxic situation wherein you might only want to do it because it's "normal", it's fine not to be normal and I wish more people just did what came naturally for them (within reason ofc lmfao). If you don't enjoy putting on makeup or wearing specific kinds of clothes, that is your choice to make regardless of what society thinks, and there are other people out there who would appreciate that genuine version of you. (I would hope at least, I have mainly gravitated toward my group of friends because we are just our genuine weird selves.
Obviously again, I'm just a dude and I can't understand the pressures put on women in our society, I know how toxic masculinity effected me growing up though and I feel like there are some parallels.