this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2026
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Was waylaid by the black cat. He wanted pats and me to sit with him as he ate, but the barest brush of his tum while he rolled resulted in a dramatic meow and hiss. Which is predictable enough.
But his ears were weirdly hot. I could feel it through the gloves, like he has a temperature. Please donβt let him need the vet. π«©
spoiler
I miss my baby Melbcat so much. She loved belly rubs and would roll over and make biscuits in the air while receiving them. I donβt think there will ever be another cat like her.I try to sleep in so I donβt have to be awake in this reality. Sometimes if itβs bad I nap it away. I still curl around her urn and protect it with my body. Relapsing into bad coping mechanisms. Depressed af and anxious all the time.
I still havenβt emptied the biscuits from her bowl and her water is evaporating by itself. It hurts to empty her beautiful fur out of the vacuum canister all mixed with dust.
With punkin and misha we kept it and put it in the compost to be part of the garden they loved to laze in.
I still find whispy gobs of misha's fur. We put them in a small container and let her outside to fly in the breeze on sunny afternoons. She always demanded outside time on sunny days
Melbcat loved the garden and the sun. Unfortunately it was limited due to safety while she was alive but maybe a little hair could go outside.
I'm so sorry about Punkin and Misha
so many hugs
about her fur
Maybe you can take it out, dust it, brush it a little and put it in an envelope. A keep sake.
and it seems black cat likes you, he's just taking a while to relax
I have saved whiskers, a tuft of her fur clipped by the funeral company, and some fur from the brush. It just feels like slowly erasing her from my house. π
I donβt know what Iβm going to do with him. Iβm trying to ensure he gets a feed when I see him and parasite treatment once a month, but currently I canβt seem to do any more than that.
you can't erase her. It's not possible. As long as you are here, she is here, in your heart, where she can never, ever be taken away from you.
Sometimes it feels like Iβm already forgetting how she felt to hold and what she sounded like π
grief and shock do that to your memory. It doesn't last, I promise.
some lives hit so much harder when they leave your own. Two years on and I still can't speak out loud about Punkin without crying. And for along time it felt I'd lost even the memory of him. But I got it back. And you will too. It your mind trying to protect you from harm when you're breaking down, and doing it in a stupid, stupid way.
Thanks. This has really messed me up
I went into a year long depressive state after losing Punky. We grieve.
I think Iβm heading into one now :(
May I suggest you print some pictures of her and frame them for the wall. All the other things just end up in a drawer but it would be nice to have a picture on display.
don't worry so much about black cat, he will tell you want he wants and needs πββ¬π€
That's a good idea. She was such a beautiful cat.
I do fret. It's a really awkward position to be in and I have my fingers crossed he doesn't get sick, hit, or attacked by another animal.
and good night Melba, π«
π«