this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2026
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somehow my lesbian awareness predated my awareness as a woman ๐
I remember telling my boss that I'm not gay because I like men, I'm gay because I like women, and that I feel like a lesbian on the inside ... she was a lesbian and when I asked her if it made sense, she shook her head and said no ๐
but for some reason it was easier for me to feel connected to or own up to a sapphic identity than permit myself the natural conclusion of what this must mean ๐
tbf, I'm not fully a lesbian, only primarily sapphic. I do relate to not thinking my "straight" attraction was straight, but when I was coming to terms with my gender identity, my sexual orientation was the last thing on my mind.
oh, I'm the same as you - I keep forgetting I am not supposed to call myself a lesbian (hard when I'm married to a woman and primarily sapphic, admittedly I think of myself as mostly a lesbian, even if I'm really bi).
I guess I also wasn't thinking about my orientation much because I was bi, it sorta felt incidental to my gender tbh. It's just interesting it was always those probes into my sexuality that caused me discomfort with my gender. Being perceived as a gay man really bothered me because it reified me as a man, which felt wrong, and so maybe that's why my sense of being a gay woman was bubbling up in those moments.
I always remember the south park episode where they get a hot lesbian teacher and all try to become lesbians. Cartman says " my grandfather was a lesbian, so that makes me a quarter lesbian". I take pride in knowing my own grandchildren will be able to use that line.