chat

I wrote the other day about how I'd come across the facebook page of an old friend of mine. After this I felt an urge to google everyone else I'd gone to school with and I found a youtube page belonging to someone named James T______, who had the same very unusual surname of a friend I'd gone to school with. He had a photo of himself, and while I wasn't entirely sure it was him as I haven't seen him since 2006 and this person looked a lot older, he was bald, and James had gone bald last I saw him, so I left a comment on his page asking "Are you James C. T_______ from (hometown's name)?"

I wrote in the disabled megathread about how it was him, and we sent emails back and forth for the rest of the night. I was so thrilled and excited to find him. However it ended with me doing a massive trauma dump on him where I told him about all my health problems, being unable to work, the fact I've become hideously ugly, the fact I haven't seen any of my friends in years, etc.

It was almost a week ago and he didn't write back again after that. At first I was just hurt by this. However as I mentioned in the disabled megathread, I was experiencing some type of religious mania at the time, which I have on multiple occasions previously, and honestly I think i am undiagnosed bipolar and I was having a manic episode. I did all kinds of stupid things during this episode including cutting my hair really short on the spur of the moment with some blunt scissors I found and throwing away some of my books because I thought God wouldn't approve of them.

I think frantically searching for all my old friends and contacting James, and telling him all my problems might have been part of this mania. Now the mania has died down a bit I am so embarrassed at my behaviour I am cringing constantly and wish I could take it back. From my point of view at the time, I was simply sharing my life story with an old and dear friend. But now I see from his point of view he was contacted out of the blue by someone he hasn't seen in 20 years who then immediately used him as a therapist, inappropriately oversharing all of their problems .

I must seem like a really desperate loser to him, reaching out to a long lost person and telling them everything like this. And I am a desperate loser but it's embarrassing that he knows that now. Everyone here at hexbear is so accepting and always willing to listen to my problems, I guess I got used to that and forgot that in real life people don't want to hear it and think you're a weirdo if you don't act like everything is fine all the time.

Why doesn't life have a rewind button?