ADHD is not a quirk. It is ruining my life. I am disorganized, I am in debt, I am paralyzed. I can't even get help; I have tried navigating the maze of finding a doctor who will accept my crappy exchange insurance but I always end up throwing in the towel. I thought I found one, once, but sike, he's an addiction counselor who refuses to prescribe stimulant medication on principle.
Not that I'm opposed to trying nonstims again, but I was prescribed Strattera in high school and it made me so drowsy I failed chemistry because I couldn't stay awake even with a full night of sleep. Also, bonus, his profile on the site I used to find him lied, and he doesn't actually accept my insurance. Here's a $500 bill for our 45 minute zoom call where I accused you of drug seeking. I got his practice to cancel the charge but still.
ADHD is ugly; ADHD looks like every chair in my apartment being full of clutter (and me subsequently freaking out because I hate clutter). it looks like brushing my teeth every two or three or five days. It looks like being able to hold on to my job as a waiter nothing else. It looks like me having the money to pay my bills, me wanting to pay those bills, and then me getting sent to collections anyway. ADHD looks like ghosting an old best friend because I'm too embarrassed to keep up with him. It looks like my partner shouldering more of the housework than is fair. And I get to look back on all this behavior, identify and accept that I am the problem, and then I get to do fuck all to fix it. ADHD looks like a horizon that gets narrower and narrower every day.
And I feel alone. ADHD is not cute. It sucks to suck.
I don't have the answer. It's probably "do better at everything".
Get guidance per problem, apply solutions when able, don't beat yourself up when you slip up, that's going to happen, just re-apply the solution when you realize your slacking at that thing again.
To-do lists and guides and reminders are really the best, but still most will fall out of the habit and have to dig back in periodically.
Reminders get skipped, distractions will happen. It's okay. That's normal for you (and most people actually). But keep the reminders and guides and lists anyway, everytime you encounter them there's another opportunity to accomplish something.
If you realize you've slacked off cleaning, for example, and you have a detailed checklist for deep cleaning each room, you can right then grab the list off the clipboard on your wall and start working through as much as you can before you get distracted or have to sleep or whatever.
If it's all broken out onto little things it'll be less daughting, just hyper focus on that one thing until it's done, if possible. Then move onto the next if you have time still.
Don't kick yourself if you get sidetracked and clean up some clothes in your bedroom after picking up a sweater from the living room, instead of finishing in the living room, as long as you're still plugging away at cleaning some you are doing fine.
And you don't have to do everything all right now.
There's probably too much to do for that to be a reasonable expectation anyway.
And there's no right order, except if you notice you don't have any clean clothes or dishes or TP or food at the moment, then probably prioritize addressing those things first.
You can buy cleaning and chore checklist online. And there are daily journals designed for peeps with ADHD that have spaces for a few check list items, spaces to log positive reflections, chore or cleaning suggestions.
You can go through them in advance and add occasional reminders for tasks you know you forget. Or you can try filling out a couple things for tomorrow before bed today. Try different things. And whatever works best for you, or works at the moment, that is great.
If you use any of this, remember it doesn't have to be every day. Just keep the tool accessible, mount them on the wall or dedicate a space where they are less likely to get burried, use them as much as you can, and forgive yourself for missing days or taking breaks, or misplacing them.
That stuff happens. It is okay.
Sooo... just do better at everything?
Also--there's always more--if you live with somebody and they say you need to clean up a mess, right then is the time to do it. Unless you are making food at that moment or are in the middle of something really important, like tending to a wound, or putting out a fire.
At that moment your companion is being your reminder, so make use of that opportunity!
You can also create that opportunity by asking somebody in your life who is good at managing things to come over occasionally and help guide you. Not do it for you. Just look over a space and give you direction, then hang out and keep you company.
Have a few drinks or buy them dinner after.
A lot of folk are embarrassed by their messes, but as long as you're not inviting a nagging judgemental nasty mother-in-law type over, I think you'll be suprised how understanding your friends and family can be when you admit you know your ADHD is holding you back but step-up and ask for direction occasionally with cleaning.