Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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Setting up an xmpp server is not a good entrypoint in the self-hosting space. It is quite hard to build. It is a complex system made of different components in order to achieve what you expect from it. I strongly recommend using existing servers. If you want to tinker, find something else (a samba share and a vpn on bare metal is a good starting point in order to learn).
Snikket makes it quite easy, but the extra complexity of hosting from home is probably better avoided for total beginners.