ADHD memes

It’s a difficult and tetchy issue at the best of times, but I’ve got to say I’m also in the camp that believes that issues of difference need to be worked on from both sides. My partner has ADHD and often interrupts me, which is a pretty big trigger for my CPTSD, so we work through that together as best we can. I know that she struggles to control interrupting me, just as she knows that I struggle to control getting triggered when she does so. We have a common understanding and both work on being accommodating to each others’ needs. Over time, we’ve struck a great balance that works well by meeting each other in the middle as best we can.

I also have coeliac disease. While I get frustrated that many restaurants, events, friends’ houses etc. don’t have gluten free options, I also understand that it’s my responsibility to manage my disease. Sometimes that means bringing my own food; sometimes that means going hungry. I can’t walk through the world demanding that everyone provide an experience that caters to my disease (like a good number of coeliacs do). I would feel selfish doing so.

Society is a co-op game. We all have our strengths and weaknesses; our abilities and disabilities; our positives and negatives. We all have to make accommodations to one another to achieve the best outcome for everyone. None of us have the right to dictate that others cater to us unless we’re also willing to cater to them.

As a side note; ADHD does not imply that a person is neurologically unable to understand social cues. Other forms of neurodivergence experience this to varying degrees, but that’s not an immutable criteria of ADHD.

With regard to my own mental health issues, I have always lived by the words "it is not my fault I have these issues, but it is my responsibility to manage them as best I can".

For my young boy, I've been trying for years and have already spent thousands trying to get him a diagnosis so that he can seek the accommodations he will certainly need in life. It's been a huge struggle getting him any help because he doesn't struggle in school - his extroversion makes him excel in a room full of kids (for now). I know you can't put responsibility onto a kid his age, right now the work is to equip him with the tools he'll need and, I expect you'll disagree with me here, the mindset that he can't just make it everyone else's problem.

I've never heard a physically disabled person talk about how everyone should treat them like they're lesser. They struggle, they sometimes have to accept certain limitations, and even when they fail to overcome their disabilities you want to cheer them on. When people see them doing their best, everyone is on their side. That's what I want for my son. I don't want people to pity or resent him, and if he pities himself like this, that mindset will only hold him back.

I don't need you to tell me this is like "telling a guy in a wheelchair just to stand up", we've been over that, and I disagree. My goal is to tell the guy in the wheelchair to live his life to the fullest, get strong arms or decorate the chair, live so that nobody says "aww" when he rolls up. Because when we tell ourselves that we're just broken and everyone else has to figure it out, they stop saying aww sooner or later. Nobody roots for someone who has that mindset.

I just hope I haven't misunderstood anything you've said, because we're both speaking somewhat stridently here and I'm genuinely not trying to piss you off, I'm just stating my own values. We're not alone, we all need each other, and that means everyone pulling in the same direction, in whatever way they can.