this post was submitted on 30 Jan 2026
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I absolutely agree with everything in your first paragraph, and completely disagree with the second! That said, stories evolve at least as quickly as the language they're built from, and I'm sure every family that hangs up stockings has their own unique spin for Santa. But intentionally gaslighting your kids in order to teach an object lesson about how people will manipulate you seems like an awfully convoluted way to go about it, especially when the kid comes out ahead for it!
I think it started as a story to get kids excited, because that's fun. In my family, the kids were brought into the act as they got old enough to understand that the point; and I assume this was very common back when kids had to help with everything as soon as they were old enough. The kids then get to practice giving without any intention of getting recognition for it, which helps make more charitable adults.
That's not to say that the story doesn't get used to enforce behavior - the existence of Krampus shows a long history of that! But I don't think it's used primarily for that anymore.
I don't know, the whole thing about Santa keeping a list of good children and bad children (who get toys and coal, respectively) seems to be a primary component of the myth still. I actually think it evolved as a gauge of critical reasoning: there's an age by which children are expected to stop believing in Santa, because the story makes no sense and won't hold up to critical scrutiny. The reward for making this breakthrough is getting to be in on the conspiracy with the adults: secretly helping with the ruse while continuing to reinforce the myth with younger children. It's a coming of age ritual. It's also kind of a culture-wide prank that all adults continuously play on all children, like the tooth fairy who I think exists for similar reasons.
Unlike the tooth fairy though, who's just there to help kids let go of their baby teeth, Santa's largess is explicitly contingent on good behavior, which is where the manipulation comes in. Gifts that come with strings attached to behavior aren't charity, they're a transaction. Children are taught that goodness is rewarded with treats and badness is punished with coal and no treats. I guess calling it a bribe is a little harsh, but it's certainly transactional. Santa also has the benefit of being all-seeing, so he can monitor your behavior even when the grownups aren't watching, which is a pretty convenient way for grownups to control behavior in kids when they're unsupervised. Sort of a spiritual panopticon. The whole idea is to trick children into behaving by making them believe they're being constantly surveilled by a spirit judge, who will reward them or punish them according to his determination of whether they are good or bad.