this post was submitted on 15 Jan 2026
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[–] perestroika@slrpnk.net 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

My advise to Kallas: don't start personally drinking, but organize credible and systematic drinking.

Find an expert drinker, the EU equivalent of Dmitry Medvedyev. He or she should preferably be a former head of state or PM from a large country. Health checks should be done, since we can't afford this negotiator passing out too often.

This person should visit the Chinese embassy when sober, then get regularly drunk (observing the behaviour of Elon Mush, microdosing of ketamine might also help). Either way, this person should regularly enter "god mode" and taunt Trump with progress reports about European countries withdrawing from the Non-Prolilferation Agreement, buying nuclear powered space laser technology from China and perspectives for a new trans-Eurasian defense alliance that is coming very soon (and which will allegedly stop the Russian invasion of Ukraine "in 24 hours").

(On days of high alcohol intake, promises to build a space elevator and climate control station on Greenland might be appropriate to include.)