this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2026
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NonCredibleDiplomacy
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Honestly how the fuck is any satire publication like the onion or similar still in business with the current state of reality???
They changed business. They're not satirical anymore. They are oracles foreseeing the events of the next weeks.
The change occurred about the time they put out the article on Gillette skipping 4 blades and going straight to 5.
I don't even know how they're still in business. I bought a cheap safety razor and a hundred pack of blades literally a decade ago now, and at the time still had a couple multiblade razor packs around. I haven't bought a razor in a decade. I'm maybe 2/5 of the way through my blade pack, and I think I'm finally on the last heads on the two multi-blade razors (because those only get used for my balls).
the safety razor is just so much better for shaving your face
tbf it does help that I don't shave my face completely and only shave at most twice a week
Post your smooth balls
That makes me remember I think it was an ancient SNL bit about exactly that, a new gillette razor with 5 blades and a sixth phantom blade that comes close to touching the skin but doesn't quite. And then like three years later there were the 5 blade gillettes with the sixth edging blade on the back. The SNL skit called it. I think about that more than I probably ought to.
They should make an article titled "Trump fires everyone at the Onion and takes over the writing 'I can do this better than you'"