this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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Do you ever feel like a lot of conflict and controversy could be avoided if everyone was more clear about what they mean? (lemmy.world)
submitted 5 days ago by Droggelbecher@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
23 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

With other neurodivergents, I feel like we explain what we mean in more detail. If not that, the other one recognizes the lacking detail, asks about it, and it gets cleared up.

When I talk to neurotypicals, or read or hear them discuss among themselves, this doesn't happen as much. When I ask, it's often seen as rude.

Here's some examples of what I mean:

There's a lot of ackshually, x is a fruit/berry/not a berry/ etc. When in fact, the terms each have two definitions: a culinary one and a botanical one. A strawberry is a berry in the culinary sense, but not the botanical one. A tomato is a fruit in the botanical sense, but not the culinary one. Ive repeatedly been called a know-it-all for bringing this up, and ironically usually by the person correcting others by saying, eg., a tomato is a fruit.

'Do(n't) you trust me?' I may 100% trust your intentions, but I don't 100% trust your judgment. This has nothing to do with you; I never 100% trust anyone's judgment, including my own. This happens the other way around, too, when I ask someone for feedback about a decision I'm making, and they say they trust me and thus won't give input. Like, thank you for trusting my intentions, but I don't want you to blindly trust my judgment. That's why I'm asking for feedback.

Another one is respect. Sometimes, to respect someone means to accept them as an authority figure, and sometimes it means to treat them with basic human dignity. It's hardly ever specified which it is.

I could go on here, so please feel free to add your own, I'm curious!

Do you also find this to be an issue with as well as among neurotypicals or am I way off here? Thanks for you replies!

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[–] haroldfinch@feddit.nl 1 points 4 days ago

I completely agree that there would be (much less) conflict and controversy if everyone was more clear in conveying what they mean to say, and more open to facts regardless of "feelings" about facts.

However, keep in mind most neurological people typically filter out a lot of what they perceive and even think. As such neurodiverse people are (far) more prone to overstimulation. Not just in physical sensory stimulation, but also mental capacity. (We think too much.)

If any demographic is, as neurotypicals are, less likely or capable of picking up on every granular bit of detail, isn't it merely logical they would as a result be more closed of to rational arguments? Wouldn't it also be entirely logical that such rationale and factual discourse is quite literally in their "blind spot"?

Then, as one such individual loses control of any situation, for instance by having an (objectively) superior rational thinker accross from them in conversation, they will resort to any means to regain "control" of said conversation. Usually resulting in emotional displays of frustration and anger.

I have struggled with "emotional" thinkers my entire life. It isn't easy by any means. However, having come to accept that neurotypical people are incapable of a rational mindset like I have, has led me to at least accept the situation. I am no longer frustrated when they reject rational arguments, I even expect them to. As such I also "divest" from any attempt at "educating" them. It will cost me energy to do so, and only lead to conflict with the person not willing to accept rational arguments.

It may seem bleak, however it is a practical coping mechanism to not burn out by every conversation you may have on a daily basis.

I then reserve such energy for situations where people might be truly interested. And as an added benefit, I am heard more often when I do choose to speak up, since I am no longer labeled as the "know-it-all".

Just my take on it. Hope it helps🤷‍♂️