this post was submitted on 24 Nov 2025
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This isn't a pity party post, it's not entirely my fault. I'm a construction site that got abandoned and water got in and now it'll cost twice as much as the original plan, and sure I could have done something about it earlier instead of just letting myself(the building?) rot but I didn't and there's no use beating myself up over it. I have missed out on 14 years or so.

I'm an unfinished person and I just need to finish myself. Which is a unique position to be in because I think a lot of people want that. I have no family and no long term connections. Which is exactly as lonely as it sounds but also makes me pretty fucking free to do whatever I want

So I have some questions that are things most people learned between the ages of 12 and 24. I didn't, which sucks. They can basically be summarised as "how do I be a human?"

How do people make friends? How do I become someone that people actively seek out interaction with? How do I do this without having any money

These are probably too broad to have any meaningful answers and I'll probably just be embarrassed by it later and delete it. Idk

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[–] OutrageousHairdo@hexbear.net 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Easy answer to human connection? Get a hobby. Don't have any? Force yourself to get one! Don't pretend to be into something you despise, but get out of your comfort zone. That could be working on cars, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, learning a language, reading books, woodworking, camping and outdoorsmanship, any of a number of sports... Hobbies are just a cheat code because if you're meeting someone for a hobby group you automatically have something in common that you're both interested in. Look for local meetups, even if your hobby is something as niche as like, playing Super Smash Bros Melee, you're likely to find at least a few meetups. Talk to people, hit it off, if you make a friend, get their contacts (e.g. phone number, Discord account, whatever) and then a little later, ask if they'd want to drop by and hang out, or maybe go to a restaurant together, or catch a movie- etc. It may be a little daunting to be the person who makes the offer, but you should try and be outgoing about it. This might sound kinda stilted, but with practice it'll become more natural. This also applies at least partially to dating, by the way- a partner is, in my mind, just a friend you want to keep a little closer than the rest.

[–] OutrageousHairdo@hexbear.net 11 points 1 month ago

Also, while I despise "How to make friends and influence people" conversational tactics self help drivel, there are ways to converse that make people like you more. I won't go into depth, but basically, if you can find the one thing that someone won't shut up about, something that gets them really animated, just listen to them talk, ask them insightful questions, be an active listener, and actively converse. Don't be a yes-man, offer your own input, but do engage them.

[–] purpleworm@hexbear.net 4 points 1 month ago

Is being new to playing an instrument a good way to meet people?