this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2025
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i did a quick glance at the data once and i think it's just to co-opt the broader loneliness epidemic (which exists and from what i saw is basically gender neutral) in a way that stokes misogyny rather than pointing people at the correct target (late capitalism hollowing out our social spaces and communal bonds).
there's nuances beyond that in terms of how it probably does impact different genders differently (through the lens of patriarchal conditioning hurting everyone, but not at all evenly in terms of degree) but i think that core co-optation truly is the gist of it.
Yea there's a loneliness epidemic.
There's two possible solutions.
The incel basement dwelling groypers self reflect and try to not be repulsive unfuckable losers.
Or women drastically lower their standards for the benefit of being shackled to one of these trolls.
Weirdly, the second option is the more workable one in some people's opinion.
i think this just buys into the incorrect incel framing of the actual social phenomenon though, which i get because the powers that be have intentionally made it the default narrative but it's still flawed analysis.
people aren't exclusively or necessarily primarily lonely along romantic lines - though like all social bonds, the material conditions for finding a romantic partner have eroded and suck ass and shit is rough out there in that way, no denying that. but i've seen data that the number of people who are straight up friendless has gone up 400% since the early 90s, like romantic loneliness is a factor, gender politics are a factor, but it's a far wider reaching crisis than that.
the real solution is to rebuild communal spaces/group activities/communal institutions, deprogram patriarchal conditioning, and to deprogram "us vs them, what can i get out of this person" competitive/transactional thinking about human relationships. this basically amounts to working to dismantle two foundational pillars of societal oppression (capitalism & patriarchy), which amounts to a generations-long mass struggle with no assurance of success. that doesn't make for a fun takeaway in corporate media thinkpieces, so the discourse gets warped along misogynist incel lines.
I do agree that this is the conclusion reactionary misogynists tend to come to, yeah.
Personally I'm not friends with any of the people I was in high school because they all turned into right wing dipshits completely devoid of empathy.
Pretty eye opening when somebody you were friends with for a decade says they don't have any sympathy for homeless people sleeping outside in the winter because they should just get a job without a whiff of irony.
But that's also because I chose to live in a rural area so I consider the fact I'm surrounded by straight up fucking nazis to be an unfortunate side effect of being able to go outside for long periods of time uninterrupted.
That and it's a lot more affordable. Not necessarily affordable in decent housing, but you know. There's absolutely a tradeoff in needing transportation to better jobs.