Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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XMPP for my attempt just worked, voice and video calling too. The Android clients Monocles, Cheogram and Conversations are great, as for desktop they all look like 90's messaging clients haha
I ultimately switched to Matrix because the encryption key sharing is much more friendly, at least for helping non-enthusiasts use it, and I didn't realise I could decrypt old XMPP messages for new clients by transferring them manually, but at least Element Web is nice. It has flaws, definitely - on Android I find myself using Element Classic for creating unencrypted rooms and voice/video calling using my TURN server, and Element X for general messaging, caption and Markdown support. That's another thing - for me the Element clients are the closest to being usable, the few others are borked.
In short XMPP is ugly but functional, and the client devs try their best, and Matrix is enticing but, as you said, finicky. Element is pretty but their new client that promises full e2ee for calling hasn't reached a level I would consider out of Beta yet.