Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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You could use matrix and host your own instance.
we've thought about this but the documentation isn't user friendly for self hosting. we're generally worried about undesirable people finding it which would not be good.
https://github.com/spantaleev/matrix-docker-ansible-deploy
Disable registrations and just create your own users manually.
Continuwuity.org has reasonable documentation, and you can (and should) disable signups or require a token to sign up.
you can make your instance invite only
The documentation you were looking at might've been the Matrix specification.
There is documentation on how to host a Matrix server, I'd honestly recommend using containers (maybe docker compose) for this one. It can definitely be confusing setting up a service like a Matrix homeserver for the first time.
As for other people finding it, you can (and should) make your homeserver invite-only. It's also possible to disable federation, which makes the server self-contained. It will not accept incoming connections from other servers, nor make outgoing connections to other servers.
This does mean everyone you want to talk with has to be on your homeserver. There are probably better options available if you want to avoid Matrix' federation issues, like Spacebar.
There is no risk of others finding it if you don't turn on federation. It becomes a fully private instance. Just set federation to false.
Seconding this! I have my own matrix server, it can be a bit of a pain to set up, but it works better than 99% of any other alternatives (trust me, I’ve tried almost every one of them)
I started trying to set it up last week, I can't seem to figure out why authentik and it will not play. It either tries authentik and gets a 404 or ignores it and doesn't find the user. (Nginx is also involved). It's the least user friendly thing I've tried to self host so far