So some context, my gf (I guess currently ex..) and I had been dating for ~8 months prior to Nov 8th, where we had a difficult "conversion" (Mostly me sobbing) about her needing to figure herself out in being polyamorous. This is the second time this happened, though the first time was very short lived and didnt result in anything being learned really.
I would consider myself mono, but I'm not opposed to trying new things. If it means I can stay with her I am willing to try anything, especially since our bond is insanely tight. Im the first person she felt the breakup conversation should happen in person and she was sobbing right along with me, though with a bit more control of her language.
I really don't know what to expect, as I just sent the message saying I'd be willing to try it once we go over our boundaries and recover from this whole thing (Shes likely at work, so I dont expect a response for a few hours). Anyone who has some insight it would be really appreciated to share.
I'm really scared, since its hard for me to find people in town that I bond with this closely. I need that physical bond, online relationships just dont work for me. I guess as a silver lining, me crying this much is a sign the hrt is starting to take some effect ๐
-Nikki
It takes time and effort and a ton of very direct communication without judgment to switch in am existing relationship. I highly recommend couples therapy with a therapist with understanding of ethical non-monogamy. It requires unlearning a lot of conditioning and habits like intense jealousy is often considered a good thing that means you care in monogamy, but will kill ENM type relationships flat out and lead to to bad habits like toxic hierarchies.
At the very least you need to communicate every single thought openly and both of you need to feel like the other isn't judging you. You can feel hurt, but work through that hurt rather than bottling it up as part of that open communication. Otherwise, resentment will win mo matter what you do.
thank you for the advice, a therapist is a lovely idea. ill keep your comment in mind in regards to communication and make sure were on the same page when it comes to what to say and when. I wouldn't even consider this if we didnt already have the baseline trust in each other, so im confident that with time we can figure something out