this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2025
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Relationship Advice

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Hello all

My (27m) ex (29f) broke up we with me out of the blue saying she doesn't love me how I love her. That I deserve someone who does. Never felt forced doing anything but cannot pinpoint when feeling left.

Had been together 8 months. Went on a vacation at 5 months that was incredible. Had come off a date on Wednesday that she said she loved before she got an Uber home. We were planning the next.

She had come over with the intention to stay and calm down/do homework then had a panic attack until confessing her feeling.

She was crying more than I was. Said she was following the feeling. Agreed you have to do that. But she was adamant it wasn't a specific thing and nothing could change.

Her last relationship was incredibly abusive. I am pretty much the opposite. People think I'm gay. She was the first person I had ever felt drawn towards romantically. First ever asked out instead of falling into the relationship. First ever explore sexuality with where it didn't feel forced.

I had always tried best to communicate any and all feeling. Or issues. She said I was an incredible human being and deserves someone who loved me the same way. But she wasn't in love with me despite loving me. I Didn't do anything. Nothing specific. She just knew I wasn't it.

Talking every day to cold turkey. Communicating every step of the way to make sure each of us weren't being clingy. we both werent that way but it felt natural to be it.

The only thing she managed to muster was ' I don't want to smoke weed and eat candy '. (Additional context: she did dabs I smoked bong hits. Prior and during. upbringing has told her it is bad. It makes her stop and feel. )

The expectations and goals she has for herself made any childish escapism feel like a waste of time. But at the same time she always felt like she was at the point of a panic attack. Like she needed to slow down and relax and take a breath. Incredibly busy. Depressive. Anxious. PTSD recovering. She always goes goes goes.

Incompatible.

Curious if anyone has had a similar experience. It feels like being robbed. I know better than to reach out first. She still has things to pick up. Its just so shocking. Her cars still in the driveway.

I know it's impossible to understand the nuances of a relationship from biased perspective, but I am wanting to hear others experiences.

Hopefully it'll ground me from this very odd shattering im having now. Can't help but feel I got constanzaed. "It's not you it's me."

Appreciate you all and your advice.

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[–] Zomg@piefed.world 6 points 1 month ago

I feel like I'm going through something similar. Someone who has PTSD, ADHD, and prior sexual abuse.

I love her to death, I want to support, be there to help her, but it's hard for her to commit to things, or be in the moment when it's important to me. It's hard for her to focus on and complete things before starting new things in relationship goals, and other things.

Reading your post made me think of my own relationship.

I would give her time to be with herself, I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, but it's what's best for her. Give her time, and leave the door open for her if that's something you'd be up for in some point in time.