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i have lost 138 lbs (63 kg) so far and the body horror of it all is hitting me (pawb.social)

submitted 2 weeks ago by chosensilence@pawb.social to c/chat@beehaw.org

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when i started losing weight in November of 2024 my last recorded weight was 363 lbs (165 kg). it was the heaviest i ever reached but i was not convinced it couldn't have been worse given enough time. having lost so much weight at this point i am noticing parts of my body i have no recollection of seeing until now lol. like.. what do you mean the tendons on my fingers are visible when i move them??? huh there's also the same for my feet, and then the are veins more visible as well??? it's freaking me out.. i'm feeling constant reminders that i am a meat machine with bones and blood and i exist inside a skull.

it's making me have to recognize my body as more than a depressed blob i piloted against my will. i'm starting to not absolutely despise what i see in reflective surfaces. mirrors are not embarrassing like they used to be. i expect to keep seeing my bigger self and am pleasantly surprised when i don't.

now.. i still have roughly 50 more lbs (23 kg) to lose before i'm at my target weight goal, and then i will reassess and decide from there to maintain or lose more. it's hard to believe that i am 74% of the way complete. i didn't think i'd be here ever and now i'm living it.

anyway yeah, why are human bodies weird? gahhhhhhHHHHHHHH

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[–] Powderhorn@beehaw.org 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Congrats on your progress. You've lost more weight than my entire body has been at its heaviest!

[–] chosensilence@pawb.social 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

woah :O

[–] Powderhorn@beehaw.org 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I've pretty much had the opposite problem my whole life. I only eat when hungry, which is once a day. It caused so much strife, even as a kid. My parents would force me to eat to the point of vomiting and then blamed me for my body not wanting it. The other end of the spectrum is no more pleasant. At 30, and at 6'3", I got down to 100 pounds during a rough patch emotionally. I generally hover around 128, with minor excursions.

I literally cannot understand how people overeat; this is not a slight at you, it just sounds like fucking hell to be forced to eat several times a day. My most recent ex was, thankfully, the same as me. I'd cook dinner, and she never guilted me for not eating breakfast or lunch. From my perspective, food manufacturers have pushed unreasonable standards for so many generations that we honestly believe "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" is passed down from millennia of wisdom, when it was actually a marketing ploy in the early 20th century to goose sales.