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How could I tell this white guy why starting to say the N word as an adult, in a deliberately funny tone, isn't okay? (inv.nadeko.net)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by HexaSnoot@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net

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Some context: I'm not black and don't live in the black experience.

I found this video essay involving modern blackfacing and minstrel shows called The Evolution of the Culture Vulture interesting. Some white guy i know started saying the n word ending with an "a" as a joke when almost 30 years old. I only see him once every several years and idk if I should send him this video. We dont talk in between those years. He's mostly associated with my boyfriend, and they can go over a year without talking. If I end up doing that I would say "Even though I think its not okay you're specifically doing an exact thing in this video, I still appreciate your intent and your great quality of trying to create good vibes however you can. This does not mean at all that I'd disown you as a friend. Its just to say take a step back and examine what youre doing when you..." Idk i can't think of how to discuss this with him so here I am.

He's a busy guy, he may never watch the video. I have social anxiety too so I may never send anything. I just want to know how to carry out a convo about this and still want advice anyways. That shit really bothered me and I couldn't place why until seeing the video.

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[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Yea do it, could also frame it as concern for him, that other people might view him in a bad light or something along those lines. But yea that's very 😬

[–] AtmosphericRiversCuomo@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It's like telling someone they have spinach in their teeth. Only a real friend will do it.

[–] Speaker@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Honestly the spinach in teeth analogy might be the way to go. "Hey, as a friend, I don't want to embarrass you but there's all this racist bullshit falling out of your mouth."

[–] AtmosphericRiversCuomo@hexbear.net 1 points 3 weeks ago

It's what I use on my boomers.

[–] HexaSnoot@hexbear.net 3 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

But yea that's very 😬

Him doing that, or what I've thought to say so far? I'm not sure how to finish the last sentence I've thought to send. I just know he's making fun of black people, but how could i politely convince him of that without making it seem like nagging? And in a way where he'll be more certain to watch the video so he doesn't just think I'm being too sensitive? The video would carry my whole argument he's doing something wrong. My anxiety makes it so having to explain any of the video would be too overwhelming to me.