this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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I dont need to go further than the 6th word to know the answer. You know it. We know it. Sorry. Just face reality.
This comment has received several reports, but I am not going to remove it – it is polite and to the point in answering OP's question.
Yes, honesty can feel hurtful to some, no, it's not breaking any rules of Lemmy.world or this community (in my view as moderator).
Remember to be excellent to each other.
/Ice
That's not "the truth," that's blatant transphobia. That is a statement that trans women aren't "real" women.
I don't think that identifying that someone else identifies as trans is transphobic, and they certainly didn't say that trans women aren't real women.
I read this in a couple of ways. First, it could mean that the dating pool for trans women, when compared to cis women, is incredibly small. Second, it could mean that by virtue of being a trans woman, the op has to expect some amount of experimentation on the part of her partners, and in romance more experiments fail than succeed.
And there could be other factors not related to being trans as well.
OP could be ugly, or clingy, or "mean when drunk" etc.
I'm a heterosexual cis man, ugly as fuck, and in my decades of dating, I'd say 90% of my relationships fail after a couple of months. I could have attributed at being a bit overweight, or being brown in a relatively white region, or being an immigrant. But I've seen others with my characteristics succeed where I fail. My odds improved with introspection and willingness to adapt.
OP, if you're still reading the comments, we need more info.
That's not how I read the comment, and I very much doubt that's how it was intended or how most people interpreted it.
Thanks for the honesty, yes I know it and it's understandable. What I don't understand is why stay several dates?
My guess would be they're fetishizing you to some extent, and when you don’t fit the shape of their kink mold... you're out.
Something I've started to notice after paying more attention to their reactions is that they lose interest very quickly if I ask them if they're bisexual. It's an opinion it's fine if they disagree with me but why leave just because I think they're bi 😐
Okay so @Big_Boss_77@lemmynsfw.com there just hypothesized they're fetishizing you...I'm going to hypothesize it's the opposite, they're just barely willing to give you a shot.
So, typical straight guy, downloads Tinder. Swipes right on ten or twenty thousand women. He gets one match: You. "Trans? Really? Sigh. Okay fuck it let's give her a try."
Here's a little known and widely disputed fact about straight men: they don't like having sex with people who have penises. So being asked by the trans woman you just met on Twitter "By the way, are you bi?" sounds a lot like "By the way, I have a penis, are you good with that?"
No, he's not. So he nopes out. And probably stops swiping right on trans women.
certainly I've no idea how sexual orientation in human works but my observation is, in 'heterosexual' world, it depends on gender 'appearance' (ie masculine or feminine bodily traits), gender identity (what you identify as personally) and sexual interest which can depend on current sex organs. different people have different weights on them. if not all of them are seeing you as an exploration or kink (I've seen that in men but do not know much about it), my guess what is happening here, is when you ask him if he is bi he thinks that the second aspect (identity) is uncertain and that disinterest them from being a partner. this might feel deceptive to them as well because they probably weren't interested in people identifying men in first place.
respecting your original post I'll not comment on that but you can try to analyze it from that angle.
I think you can try dating explicitly bisexual men to see as well.
I mean the fact that I'm passing doesn't mean I'm not still a male. If they're okay with my appearance why are they turned off by me stating a truth
I didn't understand. you are transitioning (eg on hrt) and you didn't have srs yet? or you aren't physically transitioning yet and identify as a woman personally or socially too (ie social transition)?
in either case you can explain them the current position and let them figure out instead of you doing it for them. edit: I mean like saying you are a woman at stage xyz of transition and not asking their sexuality instead.
also online dating can be pretty frustrating at times. I would advise against making it a primary focus or a big source of self worth at any point.
I've been on puberty blockers for 9 years and hormones for 7 years. Also I don't identify as a woman, I'm Asian I know Americans and Europeans have a different view but at least in my country identifying as a woman is not a thing?
oh, in that case probably I'm missing the cultural context here. I think you personally want to be a woman? I don't know if India counts as Asian in this context but there legally and socially you have birth sex and gender while transitioning and after surgery you officially switch sex. if gender determined by genitals is socially accepted over personal gender identity then it can be like that. best idea then might be saying gender as 'transitioning' rather than male or female to avoid confusion. people would know you have male sex organs with growing female bodily traits and in near future you'll be biologically woman.
I've also heard that in Asian cultures certain homosexual men (who particularly aren't attracted to women at all) are considered as woman in terms of mind but man in terms of body. So it's defined outside male-female binary notion. so cultural context matters.
Uhhh I don't know any of that, I'm Korean and we don't have anything of that. Being trans is a separate thing from women, you're technically not a man but not a woman either. Also you can't be a biological woman, that's not how it works 🤣 if you have XY chromosomes you are a male it doesn't matter if you remove your genitals.
oh I had no idea about that.
In toxic masculinity, the hierarchy of sexuality is hetero, bi, homo. Anything less than hetero is weakness and lessens the person's power. By even questioning their sexuality, you are, in effect, attacking their masculinity and identity.
Clarifying statement: I don't believe in this and think that it is a dangerous, poisonous, and vile way to think. But I was once a young man, and I can remember how we treated each other. I am glad that I am not a young man anymore.
People are shitty.