Melbourne

I told him how the ladies at work talk about each other behind their backs and I find it funny how seriously they take it, and he's just like, "Be careful, you can't trust anyone these days."

Or I talk about catching up with friends or going overseas at some point in my life when I have a stable income, and he says, "It's tough to catch up with friends because everyone has their own lives," or "Doing stuff alone is great but it can get lonely," or "Travelling sounds cool but it's really expensive."

Always a negative. Yes these things are true. Life is challenging. I know not everyone can travel, or find time to have a social life or enjoys doing stuff alone. Sometimes when I'm alone, I feel lonely too. But the constant negativity is so draining. Now I really know what my family experiences with me. It just screams that he has some sort of learned helplessness going on, and as someone who has gone through enough wake-up calls to move past that, I just don't know if I can deal with that.

The kicker is when he asked me how organising a meetup is going and I told him a few people have ghosted. He starts telling me how he got ghosted on dating apps and how he got picked on in school which ruined him to a degree. Mate, you graduated from school like seven years ago. You need some serious therapy. I know the company he works for has a prolific EAP and so gave him a little nudge towards that. The company clearly isn't doing enough to put it out there.

Part of me wants to invite this person to a group hang so he is included in something. It's always nice to feel included and valued by other people. But I don't know what it is about young men on these kinds of apps having to offload their negative experiences to whoever will hear it. I've noticed a pattern where guys who have mates don't talk to their mates about their feelings, and confide in the women in their lives about emotional stuff instead. I wish that would change. But society.

How about billboards encouraging people to talk to their mates? We need to normalise this shit.

Other conversations on the app have been a lot more light-hearted and to do with shared interests, so that's looking a bit more promising.