I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I was 15 when I had him) and I got out of a physically/sexually abusive relationship with my son’s biological father a few years ago. I haven’t had any serious relationships since then, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and exhausted since I work two jobs and take care of my son. I was planning on getting back into dating, so I was wondering if I could get a man’s perspective on how to navigate dating as a single mom since most men aren’t willing to take on my “baggage” (Hate this term). I’ve been hit on quite a few times by men my age in public places when i’m alone on the street or at the gym, but when I tell them I have a kid they seem to be immediately disinterested. (Not necessarily blaming them)
I’m looking for a long term partner who is obviously very willing to take on the task of being a father. Outside of great personal qualities, I’d like someone who can help me financially just enough so I can quit one of my jobs and provide a great life for my son. Sexual compatibility would be a bonus as well lol. I definitely want to make sure they are the one before I bring them home to my son, and I also want to make sure my son is comfortable around them as well. Dunno if I’m asking for too much? I would love some advice from a man’s perspective because it feels like there’s so much to consider. How early do I tell someone about my kid? If they are fine with a kid, are they willing to support me somewhat financially? What if my son doesn’t like them? It feels like I’m asking for so much out of a man that’s already impossible to find.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
Edit: Thank you all so much for your advice! I just met a single dad at the park while we were watching our kids and he asked me out for lunch. He seems like a good guy, he was playful towards my son, so maybe something great can come out of this.
I realize my responses may be a little controversial, but I hope they'll be helpful.
If you're looking for something serious like this, then I would suggest setting a self-imposed rule to hold off on any hanky-panky with a new beau for a couple of dates at least.
Please know I am not casting aspersions about you, just considering that what you're asking for requires finding a serious guy, and making spending a few weeks to a month getting to know someone, talk with them, and to latch onto each other should help you weed out the guys that want to hit it and quit it whether they'll admit it or not, or at least hopefully decrease the number of times you get your heart broken by lying assholes.
Next, I would suggest that you be open and upfront about the child, as many of the guys who aren't up to being a step father or even a responsible adult to the child will self-filter with that knowledge upfront, saving both of you the wasted time and effort trying to make something work that was doomed from the start.
Finally, I would suggest you consider the inverse creepy rule when setting your age limits for potential partners.
The normal creepy rule is no younger than half your age + 7, which would be about 21 for you, right? The inverse creepy rule is how old can someone be that you date before it's creepy, which is (your age -7) times 2, or about 40.
Not suggesting you latch onto the first 40 year old you meet or anything, but you might have good luck with someone in their early-mid late 30s finding someone that has their shit together well enough to take you on who would think that landing a 27 year old is a great stroke of luck regardless of the kiddo situation, and they might also be a single father which can make the whole thing go a little smoother for the both of you.
If your kid doesn't like them and it's not just because they're some new guy in your lives, that should be a deal breaker for you.
Relationships can end for myriad reasons but your child will always be your child, and if you end up overlooking their feelings they will remember that for the rest of their lives.
Hopefully my response hasn't been offensive in any way, and even more so I hope it works out for you!